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The Crimson 
and The Blue 




A Class Play in Four Acts 
and an Epilog 

By 

EDITH PALMER PAINTON 



We have prevailed upon the author to allow 
us to publish this remarkably successful com- 
mencement play, which has been leased in 
manuscript for several years, and which 
always scores a brilliant success. It is the 
highest type commencement play. 6 male 
and 6 female characters. 



Copyright, 1912 
Bjj March Brothers 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208-210-212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 



No Entertainments Exchanged. 
No Entertainments «e»»( on aclection or subject to return. 



The Crimson 
and The Blue 



A Class Play in Four Acts 
and an Epilog 



By 

EDITH PALMER PAINTON 



^ ij 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208-210-212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 



r 






Copyright, 1912, 

by 

March Brothers. 



TMP96-006863 



/ 






CHARACTERS 

Ralph Reed, Class President. 

John Judson, Class Treasurer. 

Sam Simpson, Class Dunce. 

Ted Turner, Class Clown. 

Guy Gould, President Junior Class. 

Ruth Randolph, Class Vice-President. 

Ina Ireland, Class Prophet. 

Ar^NABELLE AvERY, Class Bcautj. 

Edna Ellis, Class Historian. 

Dora Deane, Class Poet. 

IVIiss Wright, A High School Teacher. 

Professor Monroe, The Principal. 



SYNOPSIS 



Act I. — A Class Meeting. "Reconsider !" 

Act II. — The Last Experiment. "Curiously enough, 
the 'acid' was sweet !" 

Act III. — Preparations. "The Crimson and the Blue !" 

Act IV.— The Fateful Hour. "We've all got in bad, but 
we hope to recover !" 

Epilog — After Ten Years. "Ten years of penance, yet 
we all escape to tell it." 



The Crimson and The Blue 



ACT I. 



Scene. — A classroom. Sam, Ted, Ruth, Ina, Anna- 
belle, Edna and Dora sit in chairs, comfortably enjoy- 
ing themselves. Ralph sits at desk in front. Edna has 
note hook on lap, and a large hunch of pencils, and husies 
herself hy writing down everything that is said. Anna- 
belle is chewing gum conspicuously. Ina and Ruth 
frown on her frequently, and exchange glances of disdain. 
Sam and Ted converse apart over everything that is said 
and done, Sam laughing at whatever Ted says, while Ted 
keeps a very straight face. Ralph frowns at them every 
time, and Ted then shakes his head at Sam, in mock warn- 
ing, who laughs again. 

Ralph (rises) — Class will please come to order! Will 
somebody please state the object of the meeting? {Looks 
all around, gravely. Ted dodges, Sam and Annabelle 
giggle, Ruth and Ina look around to see if anyone is 
going to respond, hut no one does.) Don't all speak at 
once! {After another pause, Ruth looks all around again, 
then rises slowly, and speaks timidly.) 

Ruth — Mr. President ! 

Ralph {with an air of relief) — Miss Randolph! 

Ruth — I believe that the object of this meeting is to 
reconsider our class colors, our class motto, our class 
flower, and — and {looks from one to the other, hesi- 
tatingly) — 



6 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph (sarcastically) — Is there anything else? 

Ruth — Well — er — a few little things like that. (Sits.) 

Ralph — I can't understand this, I'm sure. It seems 
to me that we have alreadj'^ had a try at all the colors 
in the rainbow, all the mottoes in the English language, 
and all the flowers advertised in the seed catalogs. It 
is certainly exasperating to be the president of a class 
that has no mind of its own — and doesn't know it ! Well, 
I am ready to hear whatever complaint or suggestion any 
of you may have to offer. First, who has been finding 
fault with our class colors again, and what is the matter 
with them this time.'* (A pause, while he looks from one 
to the other inquiringly. All have been looking at In a, 
urging her to speak, hut she hangs head.) 

Ruth (at last rises and speaks, timidly) — If you 
please. Mr. President, Ina didn't like them. 

Ralph — Ina.? (Ruth nods and sits.) Well, Miss 
Ireland, we are ready to hear from you. Will you kindly 
inform this class why the colors we have most recently 
chosen fail to meet with your approval.'' 

Ina (rises reluctantly) — Why — er — if you please, 
Mr. President, the}'^ — cr — will not match well with my 
dress. (Boys laugh.) Well, they won't! I want to wear 
a pink dress, and you know green and pink look perfectly 
horrid together. 

Ted (takes from his buttonhole a beautiful pink rose, 
with plenty of green leaves, and holds it aloft, dramat- 
ically) — Too bad this poor rose doesn't know it! (Boys 
clap hands, girls look at them scornfully, and Ina sits 
down in confusion.) 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 7 

Ralph {rapping on desk) — Order! Order! Now, 
what have you to propose, Miss Ireland? 

Ina {rises again) — Why, I hardly know! I want 
something that looks well with pink. Pale blue and white 
wouldn't be so bad! {Sits.) 

Edna — Mere}' ! Pale blue wouldn't do at all. I want 
to wear a pale green dress. 

Ted — We might let each one choose the colors for 
herself. I guess that's the only way to please the bunch! 

Ralph — Why on earth don't you all graduate in 
white .'^ Then anything would harmonize! 

Annabelle — Why, we'd all look alike then ; like so 
many peas in a pod ! 

Sam — I don't sec how, Annabelle ! You're all dif- 
ferent sizes and shapes. 

Ted — So arc peas. {All giggle.) 

Ralph — Well, do let's get down to business and 
decide upon something. We've got too many irons in the 
fire now to have to "reconsider" more than a hundred 
times more. It seems to me, just as I've said before, that 
we've already given a fair trial to every possible and 
impossible combination of tints and shades ! 

Edna — Just hear him ! Anyone would take him for 
a dry goods clerk ! 

Ralph — Well, I occasionally read advertisements! 

Dora {rises) — Mr. President! 

Ralph — Miss Deane ! {Sits wearily.) 



8 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Dora — Don't you think we ought to select our colors 
for what they signify, instead of trying to match every- 
body's dress? Every color has a meaning, you know, and 
ought to stand for as much as the motto, it seems to me! 

All (together) — Meaning? 

Annabelle — I never thought of that! 

Ralph — Nor I ! I rather like the idea, though. Then 
we can have something to live up to ! 

Sam — But how can we find out what they mean? 

Dora — I have a little book right here that gives them. 

Ted — Good for you, Dora ! It's worth something 
having a class poet after all ! 

Ralph (rises ogain)— Well, this seems to be the best 
way out of our difficulty — for this time ! What does the 
green and white signify, that arc — or were — our choice? 

Dora — The green signifies jealousy — 

Ted — The limit ! We don't want that then ! 

Edna — Should say not ! 

Ruth — No, the class of 19 — isn't jealous of any- 
thing or anybody on earth ! 

Ina — And has no reason to be ! 

Ralph — But what does the white stand for, Dora? 

Dora (looks it up in book) — White means purity! 

Annabelle — Purity? Sounds like a revival meeting! 

Ted — Or a political campaign! (All giggle.) 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 9 

Sam — We dcn't need that till v,e get to heaven! 
White — too much of it — always makes a fellow think of 
funerals ! 

Annabelle — Or weddings ! 

Ted — Same thing! (All giggle.) 

Ralph (m desperation) — Well, we seem to have de- 
cided upon one thing — we don't want the green and white ! 
Will somebody please inform the chair what in thunder 
we do want? 

Sam — Something that means bravery — 

All — Yes, yes ! 

Ruth — It means a lot of bravery to step out into the 
*'cold and cruel world !" 

Ted — Well, Ruth, if you're afraid to go alone — 

Ralph (rapinng on desk) — Order! Order! We have 
decided that we wish to incorporate in our colors that one 
that symbolizes bravery — are all agreed? All in favor 
say "aye !" 

All — Aye ! 

Ralph — Contrary, "no!" (No response.) The 
*'ayes" have it ! Miss Deane will please inform the class 
what color that is ! 

Dora (looking in book) — It is — crimson! 

Ted — Crimson — the blood of martyrs ! Hurrah 
for us ! 

Ina — Crimson on a pink dress ! Horrors ! 
Edna — Be brave, Ina, be brave! Crimson is it! 



10 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Rai.ph — We must have another color, of course ! 
What shall it be? 

RiTTH (rises) — I think we ought to have something 
that stands for truth! 

Sam — Bully for you, Ruth ! So do I ! 

Ted — Of course, Sam, you are in for that! Having 
already been in the high school for six years, "gradu- 
ating" is a fairy tale that you wish to come true! That's 
your idea, isn't it? 

Sam — Well, if it does come true, it will be because I am 
honest and didn't stoop to cheat in order to pass — as 
some I could mention have done ! 

Ina — Now will you be good? 

Ralph — Are all agreed upon this question? 

Annabelle — What question ? 

Ralph — Why — er — I don't know. (Scratches head.) 

What was the question? 

Ruth — The color that means "truth," I suppose! 

Ralph — Oh, yes ! Are all agreed that truth is to be 
one of our class principals? All in favor say "aye!" 

All — Aye ! 

Ralph — Contrary, "no !" (No response.) It's carried ! 
Miss Deane will please inform us what color we have 
chosen ? 

Annabelle — It will be a good one on us if it doesn't 
match the other, won't it? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 11 

Ted — Don't worr}^, Annabelle ! Bravery and truth 
always match ! 

Dora (rises) — Mr. President! 

Ralph — Miss Deanc ! 

Dora — The symbol of truth is blue ! 

Annabelle — Crimson and blue ! That isn't so worse ! 

Ted — Three cheers for the crimson and blue ! 

Dora — For the crimson and blue 
Is the brave and true ! 

Ruth — Good for the poet ! We must have our class 
song written now, Dora ! 

Ted— Of course ! What's the use of having a poet, 
if you don't use it? 

Ralph (looks at zaatch) — Well, tempus fugit! Let's 
please not reconsider these colors this week ! 

Edna {looks at calendar on wall) — This is Friday! 
I guess we won't this week ! 

Ralph — I'll be glad when our program is out. We 
can't change our minds so much then ! 

Ruth — I don't care, Ralph Reed I Most of us won't 
get the chance to graduate but this once, and I think we 
have a right to have things just as we want them. 

Ralph — Of course ! If you can only make up your 
minds what you do want ! Let's do stand by our colors 
now, though I They mean sometliing I Now, how about 
the motto .P 

Sam — John don't like it ! 



12 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph — John? Well, why isn't he here to speak for 
himself? Let me see — what was the last motto we selected? 
( Thinks. ) I declare, we've had so many different ones, I 
can't remember! What was it, Edna? 

Edna {reading from note book) — "Know something 
of everything and everything of something !" 

Ralph — Humph ! What does John have to say 
against that? 

Sam — He says it sounds too much like, "Be a Jack of 
all trades, and a master of none !" 

Ruth — Well, it docs — a little — doesn't it? 

Ralph — Oh, I guess so ! I don't know ! And if I'm 
president of this class much longer I won't know anything 
at all! 

Ted — Don't get rattled, INIr. President I Remember, 
"This, too, shall pass away !" 

Ralph — Hope so, I'm sure. (Enter John, L.) 
Come in, John, You are just in time to tell us what you 
think we had better substitute for our motto! 

John — ^Why, as for me, I'd like nothing better than 
the good old advice, "Dig !" 

Ted — That sounds too much like work ! We aren't 
any of us going into the digging of ditches — or graves — 
I hope ! 

John — It's inspiring just the same! You know when- 
ever we go to Miss Wright for help in mathematics, she 
is sure to say, "Dig it out! Dig it out!" (All laugh.) 
And it's good sound stuff all right! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 13 

Ina — Well, we girls aren't going to dig, an^'way ! 

Sam — How would, "Grit wins !" suit the crowd ? 

Annabelle — Too dirty ! 

John (sits) — Well, I don't care, much! Only I'd be 
ashamed to send out any invitations with such a weak- 
kneed sentiment as that lust one on them ! 

DoEA — I'd like something figurative ! 

Ted — Of course ! Most poets do ! Dora, I'm afraid 
you're a genius ! 

Sam — Something figurative ! Don't put the figures too 
high. {All laugh.) 

Ted — Sam's always been weak in figures ! Couldn't 
figure out how to get out of the high school in less than 
six years! (All laugh.) 

Ralph (impatientli/) — Well, what would you suggest, 
Miss Deane? 

Dora — Oh, there are so many pretty ones ! It's hard 
to choose between them all. Don't you think, "Out of 
School Life Into Life's School," is good? 

Ruth — Too old ! 

DoEA — Well, how about, "Launched, But Not 
Anchored ?" , 

Ina — Too discouraging! 

Sam — Besides, we aren't going to sail, are we.'' 

Ted — You bet! (Sings.) We're going a-sailing, 
a-sailing, a-sailing ! 



14 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Annabelle — And we'll all sail high! 

Sam {innocently) — Oh, you mean in an airship! 
Boats can't sail uphill ! If it's a balloon, or an aeroplane, 
just count me out! I'm no aviator! 

All {laughing) — Not yet! 

John — Oh, we're all living above the clouds just now ! 
We'll come back to earth soon enough after commence- 
ment ! 

Ralph — But we haven't settled this motto business 
yet! If things are going on like this, you can just 
"reconsider" your election of president, once and for all, 
for I'm not hankering after a padded cell in a lunatic 
asylum. I don't mind having to make up my own mind, 
but to have to make up the minds of nine full-grown boys 
and girls is more than ought to be expected of even a 
class president ! 

Ted — Perhaps you think the rest of the bunch haven't 
any minds to make up ! 

John — I like the motto of the Holly School, "Impos- 
sible is Un-American !" 

Ina — That wouldnt' do for us, John ! We're up 
against an "impossible," now — for we can't decide — 
simply can't! 

DoEA — How about this one? "Beyond the Alps Lies 
Italy !" 

Sam — But we don't want to go to Italy ! 

John — And If we did, we wouldn't have to cross the 
Alps to get there! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 15 

Dora — I'll tell 3'ou ! Let's take the words of Napo- 
leon — those words he said when he started to conquer 
Italy, and the people told him he couldn't cross the Alps! 
We all admire Napoleon, don't we? 

Ted — Sure thing! But what was it he said? "Just 
watch my smoke!" or what? 

John — I don't remember, either ! Was it, "Get out 
of the road !" I think that would be a dandy motto for a 
hustling class like ours ! 

Ruth — Yes, we're hustlers ! Takes us six months — 
and then some — to choose one little motto ! 

Ted — We're slow, but sure. 

Annabelle — Yes, sure of reconsidering. 

Edna — But do keep still, and let Dora tell us what 
Napoleon said ! 

Dora — If you'd only read your histories instead of — 
of — "Munsey's" and the "Black Cat," you'd remember 
that he said, "There shall be no Alps !" 

John — Say, that's a jim-dandy ! {Rises.) Mr. Presi- 
dent I 

Ralph — Mr. Judson ! 

John — I move that we — the class of 19 — , — who cer- 
tainly have within ourselves those qualities that made 
Napoleon great, adopt as our motto his immortal words, 
"There shall be no Alps !" 

Sam — But what — 

Ralph (motioning Sam to silence) — Do I hear this 
motion seconded? 



16 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ted {rises importantly^) — Mr. President! 

Ralph (bowing) — Mr. Turner! 

Ted {slowly, emphasizing each word) — I — support — 
that — motion ! ( Sits. ) 

Ralph — You have heard the motion and its second. 
Are there any remarks? {All look at Sam, expectantly.) 

Sam — I don't see what difference it makes to us 
whether there are any Alps or not! {All laugh.) We 
don't live near them, and they can't possibly interfere 
with us in any way unless we go to them ! Why not find 
a motto somewhere near where we live? 

Dora — Why, Sam, they're only figures ! 

Sam {shakes head, puzzled) — Figures? 

Ted — Don't mention figures to Sam. Mathematics 
always turns his head ! 

Sam — Didn't Napoleon mean real Alps? 

Dora — Of course ! But we don't ! 

Ted — See? (Sam nods slowly, not really understand- 
ing yet.) 

Ralph — All in favor of this motto say "aye!" 

All — Aye! 

Ralph — Contrary, "no!" {No response.) Carried! 
The motto is adopted — for a few days ! If you get tired 
of this one, you'd better adopt "Reconsider" for your 
motto for good and all, for it's certain to be the supreme 
rule of your lives ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 17 

Ruth — As much as to say that the president always 
knows his own mind! But does he? 

Ralph — Now for the flower. What's the matter with 
the sunflower you chose last week? 

Annabelle — Too gaudy ! 

Ina — Too common ! 

Ruth — Too large and ill-shaped ! We want some- 
thing that we can wear! 

Edna — It doesn't harmonize with my dress ! 

Dora — It isn't fragrant ! 

Ted — There, ]Mr. President, don't say again that the 
girls don't know their own minds, for they certainly do! 
The sunflower's all right so far as I'm conceraed — but it 
is awkward. 

Sam — I don't see what we need a class flower for, 
anyway ! 

John — For buttonhole favors, of course, Sam, and to 
give your best girl ! 

Ted — Fancy giving her a bunch of sunflowers ! 
Wouldn't she freeze you.'^ 

Ruth — We want them in the decorations, too. What 
does the sunflower mean, Dora.'' 

Sam — Mercy! do flowers have meanings, too.'* 

John — Everything in this world has a meaning, Sam ! 

Ted — Even girls — but {sighs deeply) — a fellow can 
never find out what it is ! 



18 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph — Well, what shall it be, then? 

Ted — The daisy, of course! Isn't our class a daisy? 

John — ^Arguing from that standpoint, we might take 
the dandelion ! We're certainly all dandies ! 

Edna — Or the ladyslipper — some of us are ladies ! 

Ruth — Or the nasturtium ! Miss Downer used to say 
we were all nasty urchins ! 

Ina — Let's take rosemary. Shakespeare says, "That's 
for remembrance !" 

Annabelle — But it's not pretty at all, and wouldn't 
show off a bit in the decorations. Why not choose the 
forget-me-not — it means the same thing. 

Dora — Pansies are prettier than either, and more ap- 
propriate, too ! Shakespeare says they are for thoughts — 

Ted — And thoughts are right in the graduate's line 
every time ! I vote for the pansy ! 

All {enthusiastically^) — The pansy! the pansy! 

Ralph — Are you ready for the question, then? 

All — Yes ! yes ! 

Ralph — All in favor — 

All — Aye ! 

Ralph — Contrary? (No response.) The pansy, then, 
enjoys the distinction — at present — of being our class 
flower I 

Ted (rising eagerly) — Oh, I say, Mr. President! 

Ralph — Well, Mr. Turner! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 19 

Ted — I move that we reconsider that — 

John — Put him out ! 

Ruth — Choke him off! 

Sam — Sit on him ! 

Edna — Hear him ! 

Ina — No ! no ! 

Dora — Save us ! save us ! 

Annabelle — Just hstcn to that ! 

(The above exclamations are given rapidly and ex- 
citedly, and Ted sits down, laughing.) 

John (rising) — Mr. President! 

Ralph — Mr. Judson ! 

John — As chairman of the Program and Invitation 
Committee, I am ready to report ! ( Ralph bows. ) The 
invitations will be ready for mailing Monday afternoon ! 
The Journal got the whole job, of course, being so much 
cheaper, and now the Argus refuses to give us any notice 
whatever because we didn't let them do any of the printing. 

Annabelle — The very idea ! 

Ina — Horrible ! 

Ruth — Shocking ! 

Ted — Perfectly disgusting 1 

Sam — Why didn't you go over there and just — ^just — 

Edna— Talk Turkey to them! 

John (calmly) — I did! 



20 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

All — You did? 

John (still calmly) — Yes, I did! 

Dora — Oh, John, how romantic! What did you say 
to them? 

John — I said, putting on my most high and mighty 
air — 

Annabelle (enthusiastically) — And you're just 
splendid, John, when you do that ! 

John (bowing) — Thanks, awfully I 

Annabelle — Well, honest, you are ! 

All— 'Sh ! 

Ralph — Do go on, John! What did you say? 

John — I said, "Sir, are you aware of the fact that 
you have grievously insulted the class of 19 — ?" 

Dora — Oh, John, how brave of you ! 

Edna — How did you dare? 

Annabelle — What did he say? 

John — W-e-1-1 — not much ! 

Ralph — But what? 

John — Well, he — er — just looked me over from head 
to foot, and grunted a great big grunt, and then he said 
(hesitates) — 

All (eagerly) — What? 

John — He said, "Are you the class of 19 — ?" (All 
laugh. ) 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 21 

Ted — Gee, that was a hot one ! 

Ina — And then what did 3'ou saj, John? 

Edna — Yes, do tell us ! 

John — I said, "Well, no, I'm not exactly the whole 
thing, but I'm a ninth of it!" {All laugh.) 

Ruth — Just like a story ! 

Dora — Or a poem ! 

Annabelle — Isn't John perfectly splendid? He re- 
minds me of King Arthur's knights, especially Sir — Sir — 
Sir — who was that, Dora, we admired so much? 

Dora — Launcelot ? 

Annabelle — No, not him ! 

Dora — Who, then? 

Annabelle — Why, that one whose "strength was as 
the strength of ten !" 

Dora — Oh, you mean Sir Galahad ! 

Annabelle — Yes, that's him 

John (disgusted with the flattery) — Such grammar! 

Ted — But what comes next, John? 

Ina — Yes, what did he sa}^ to that? 

John — He said, "Well, bring along the other eight- 
ninths of yourself the next time, and perhaps I'll talk 
business with you!" (All laugh.) But, say, we've got 
to get busy and make out our list of guests, so we can get 
these invitations off as soon as they're out ! 



22 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph — The girls agreed to attend to that, John. 
That's women's work ! Is there any more business to come 
before this meeting? 

Dora — I wish it wasn't too late to reconsider the buy- 
ing of these miserable class pins. I hate them ! 

Ali.— Why? 

Dora — Why, the horrid little bits of things — they 
look like bib pins ! 

Ruth — Never mind, Dora ! The3''ll probably come 
useful some time. 

Dora — But people will take us for babies — graduates 
from tlie kindergarten — and they cost a dollar and a 
half, too! 

Ted (singing) — "If I only had it now. 

Just a little of it now" — 

Ralph (rapping the desk) — Order! Order! Is there 
any more business to come up this afternoon? (Looks at 
watch; no reply.) I have to help Professor Monroe with 
some laboratory experiments at four, and it's nearly that 
now. If there is nothing else, a motion for adjournment 
is in order. 

John (rises) — Mr. President! 

Ralph — Mr. Judson ! 

John — I move that we adjourn until such time as we 
have some more important questions to reconsider. 

Ruth — Second the motion! 

Ralph — All in favor — 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 23 

All — Aye ! 

Ralph — Guess it's unanimous! Meeting's declared 
adj ourned ! 

Ruth — But, say, girls, let's us get at those lists before 
something else comes up ! 

Girls — All right! (Girls gather around table with 
pencils and paper as hoys exit.) 

Ina — That won't take long! I know about whom I 
want now. 

Dora — So do I! (Counts on fingers.) There's 
mamma, papa, grandma, grandpa. Aunt Kate, Uncle Joe, 
Aunt Marion, Uncle Peter, Cousin Jack, Cousin Mabel, 
Joe White — 

Annabelle — Why Dora Deane, are you going to 
invite all your relations? 

Dora — Why, of course! Why not? Who else would 
1 ask? 

Annabelle — Well, I'm not ! My relations are all as 
poor as Job's turkey ! 

Dora — ^I don't see what difference that makes ! They're 
your relations just the same, and you've got to ask them! 

Annabelle — Don't you think it ! I'm going to ask 
the people who can afford to buy me nice presents ! 

Ina, Ruth and Edna — Why, Annabelle Avery. 

Annabelle — Well, I am ! You can't choose your 
relations, but, thank goodness, you can choose your 
friends ! 

Ina — We must ask all the school board! 



24 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

All — Of course! (Write rapidly in note hoolcs.) 

Ruth — And all the alumni ! 

All — Of course ! ( Writing rapidly, as before. ) 

Annabelle — And all the editors and their devils ! 
(Counts on fingers.) 

All — Of course ! ( Writing. ) 

Dora — And— and — and — 

All (inquiringly) — And — ? 

Dora — What — boys? — outside bo^'s, I mean! 

Edna — Whatever ones you want, goosie ! 

Annabelle — Oh, say, girls, let's not monkey with this 
oM list! I've got to try on my dress at five' 

Ruth — Well, let's cut it out, then. 

Annabelle — ^Why, it is cut out, and all basted, too. 
It was ready to fit — (all laugh) — what's wrong? 

Ruth — I meant to say, let's leave this job till a more 
convenient season. (Rises.) 

Annabelle (rising) — Oh, I see! 

In A — What's the difference who comes, anyway? The 
fewer there are, the better I'll get through with my part. 

Edna — There arc others ! 

Dora — But what'll the boys say? 

Edna — Who cares? We are free and independent 
beings who believe in — 

All — In what? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 25 

Kdna — In the emancipation — jes, in the superiority — 
of the female sex! (Looks from one to the other.) 
Don't we? 

Annabelle, Ina and Ruth — We do ! we do ! 

Doha {doubtfully) — I — guess- — so! {All laugh.) 

Annabelle — Come on home with me and see my 
dress. It's gorgeous ! 

Ina — Shall we girls? 

All {jumping up) — Sure! 

Dora — I've been djang to see it ! 

Annabelle — It's a dream, girls — a fantasy — a poem 
in silk and lace ! Come on ! Follow me and you'll all 
wear — 

All — Graduating dresses! (Annabelle lifts skirts 
daintily, and trips off L., others doing the same, and 
following her, single file, laughing merrily. Dora runs 
back and gathers up her note book and pencil.) 

Annabelle {off stage) — Hurry up, Dora! 

Dora {writing as she leaves, walking slowly L.) — Yes, 
I'm hurrying! {Speaks and walks as if half asleep, as 
curtain falls.) 

(Curtain.) 



26 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 



ACT II. 

Scene. — A chemical laboratory; shelves of bottles, 
labeled; tables for students, fitted with alcohol lamps, test 
tubes, etc., an apron hanging beliind each of the desks 
not yet occupied. A small oil stove at C. back. Curtain 
rises, disclosing Ruth at her desk, R., wearing apron, 
and searching her chemistry diligently. Edna, near her, 
also wearing apron, writes rapidly in note book. Ina at 
left is putting on apron. Dora, without apron, is looking 
dreamily out at left entrance. Ralph and John, at left, 
are whispering together, with air of excitement, now and 
then consulting their chemistries, and then continuing to 
argue. Sam sits at his desk, studying, and scratching 
head. 



Ina — Do you realize, boys and girls, that this is the 
very last experiment we shall ever make in this old labora- 
tory .'* 

All {without looking) — Um-hum! 

Ina (in disgust) — Humph! (Turns to the desk, and 
turns pages of book, idly.) 

Ruth (reads aloud) — "If an acid and an alkali" — 
no, "if an acid or an alkali" — 

Ralph ( interrupting ) — Ruth ! 

Ruth (looks up) — Well? 

Ralph — When we make nitric acid, don't we always — 

Annabelle (entering) — Of course, we do — always 
and forever ! What is it, Ralph ? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 27 

Ralph {turns back to John in disgust) — Oh, 
nothing ! 

AnNxVBElle (walking to her desk) — Humph! (Takes 
apron from nail.) Nice way to saj^, "Good afternoon," 
to a lady ! (Imitates.) "Oh, nothing!" It doesn't sound 
as though Ralph cared very much about me! (Holds apron 
out in both hands at arms'' length, examining it critically.) 
Mercy ! this apron needs a bath ! I can't wear such a 
filthy rag as this. 

Ina — Oh, pshaw ! this is the last time you'll ever have 
to, Annabelle. Do put it on and keep still. 

Annabelle — Why, so it is ! Isn't that simply great 1 
"Hurrah!" Why don't you? (No response.) Humph! 
All dead.'^ (Pauses; no response. Looks all around.) 
Where's Ted.? 

John (without looking around) — You can search me! 

All — Me, too ! 

Annabelle — And where's "Prof?" 

Ralph (sarcastically) — Do you see him anywhere in 
the room, Annabelle? Do> you think he's hiding in any 
of the drawers or bottles? Talk about tke eternal feminine 
— bosh ! 

Annabelle (unabashed, very sweetly) — Did I under- 
stand 3^ou to say the infernal feminine, Ralph, dear? 
(Ralph grunts, but 7nakcs no other answer. Annabelle 
puts on apron. ) Dear me, this apron ! How do I look, 
Ina? 

Ina (without looking up) — Quite natural, Annabelle — 
almost like your old self ! 



28 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph {not looking around) — Bum! 

Annabelle — Humph! I do wish the School Board 
would provide some kind of a mirror for this old labora- 
tory. How are we ever to know when our clothes are on 
straight? (Struts around, looking at apron, trying to see 
the hack of it, over shoulder, etc. ) What is our experiment 
to be to-day, folkses? (Nobody answers.) Humph! a 
person might as well be in a graveyard! Wonder what 
we're here for, anyway, if anybody knows. (Looks from 
one to the other.) You all seem dreadfully busy. What 
are you doing, anyway? 

Ruth (promptly, not looking up) — Studying! 

Edna (writing steadily, without looking up) — Writing 
up my notes ! 

Ralph — Trying to convince John — 

John (interrupting) — Trying to make Ralph see — 

In A (interrupting) — Nothing! 

Sam — Cramming ! 

Annabelle (dryly) — I see! Dora! (No answer.) 
Dora! 

Dora (rousing herself from her abstraction) — ^Was 
anyone speaking to me? 

Annabelle — Well, I should smile! What were you 
doing? 

Dora — Doing? Why — I — I — don't know! (Sits at 
desk and takes book.) 

Annabelle — And what am I to do? Let me see! 
(After a pause, as if considering the matter, imitating 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 29 

Ina's tone.) Nothing! (Takes fan from pocket and 
fans self leisurely.) It's too hot to work, anyway! Let 
those work who have to ! 

Sam — Say, you wise ones, I can't find anything in this 
book. What's the formula for — 

Ted (entering R. out of breath) — Howdy, everybody! 
(General excitement. All leave everything else, and 
crowd around him, talking rapidly.) 

Annabele — Why, Ted! What's wrong? 

In A — ^^^^here have you been? 

Ruth — Ten minutes late. 

Dora (sentimentally) — We've missed you so! 

Edna — Give an account of yourself, sir ! 

Boys— Where's "Prof?" 

Ted — Heavens and earth! Do let a fellow get his 
breath, won't you? (Annabelle steps beside him and 
fans him vigorously.) Thanks, Annabelle, thanks ! (She 
fans more rapidly than ever.) All right, now! (She 
continues to fan briskly.) That'll do! that'll do! (She 
still fans.) Gee whiz! Let up! Your freezing me to 
death ! 

Annabelle (still fanning) — Answer our questions, 
then! 

Ted (dodging) — I will! I will! if you will only stop 
that windmill. (She stops. He seats himself on desk, 
with an air of enjoying his importance.) Well, then 
(bows to Annabelle), What's wrong? — everything! 
(Bows to Ina.) Where have I been — on an errand! 



30 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

(Bows to Ruth.) Ten minutes late (looks at watch), 
right you are, but being on business for the good of the 
school it doesn't count, see? (Bows to Dora and imitates 
her sentimental tone. ) "We missed you so !" — so glad to 
hear it ! It is so sweet to be missed ! (Bows to Edna.) An 
account of myself? — I think I have already given one! 
(Bows to hoys.) And where's "Prof?" — Avhy — ^why 
(speaks carelessly and calmly) — I shot him down in cold 
blood, and tossed his body over the bridge into the river! 

Boys (astounded) — What? 

GiR Ls ( shuddering ) — Ugh ! 

Dora and Anxabelle (scream) — Oh-oh-oh ! 

Ted (calmly) — He said it wasn't Friday. I knew it 
was! ( They look at one another in consternation, shaking 
heads. ) Don't give me away ; nobody knows but you ! 

Ralph (exasperated) — Come out of it, Ted, and talk 
United States! What do you mean by such nonsense? 

Dora (clasps hands) — How sweetly tragic! I must 
write a poem about that ! 

Ted — Well, you all seemed to hold me accountable 
for "Prof's" failure to appear, so I thought I might as 
well live up to what was expected of me, and get a little 
notoriety out of it. 

Girls — Mercy ! 

Ted — The truth is, "Prof" is sick and had to go 
home. I went with him to help carry some books and 
other junk. Pie can't come to class this afternoon, but 
wants us each to put in the time working up any experi- 
ments we may have left unfinished, so our records will be 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 31 

complete. {Rises with an elaborate bow, and speaks 
grandiloquently.) Now, ladies and gentlemen, that is 
"the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" 
{raises right hand as if taking oath), so help me. Jack 
Robinson, as to why "Prof" is absent and why I was 
tardy. 

Ralph — Well ! well ! what shall we do ? My experi- 
ments are all finished. 

John, Ina, Ruth and Edna — Mine, too ! 

Annabelle — Horrors, mine aren't ! ( Turns pages 
of book.) I have numbers 2, 26, 31 and 48 to do, besides, 
oh goodness knows, how many more ! 

Sam — And I have a dozen or two to finish, too, but I 
never can begin a single one of them without "Prof" to 
show me how ! 

All {with mock pity) — Poor Sam! 

Annabelle — If we only had some sugar and vinegar 
and — oh — oh — a little butter, I bet I'd experiment a little 
on something we could eat. {All look at one another 
quickly, as if wondering whether or not they dared.) 

Dora {in a loud whisper) — Do we dare? 

All {inspired) — Let's! 

Ruth — But how can we get sugar? 

Ina — Are there basins enough? 

Edna — Is this oil stove filled? 

Ralph — Girls ! girls ! Remember our motto — 

All— "There shall be no Alps!" 



32 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ina {has been looking off L., noxa speaks aside to Ted 
and Ralph, pointing L.) — There comes Guy Gould! He's 
as busy as a Chicago rent collector these days, and he'll 
be going back down town in a minute. Let's give him 
some money and have him bring the supplies. 

Ralph — But he's president of the Junior Class, don't 
you know, and I can tell you he's almighty proud of his 
new dignity, too. Do you think he would condescend to 

do it? 

Ina — Sure he will, if we get Dora to ask him. Good- 
ness, he'd walk doAvn town on his head and bring the 
things back in his mouth if she asked him to. 

Ralph — Humph ! must have it bad ! 

Ted (feigning fright) — Golly! Say, Ina, you don't 
think there's any danger of her asking him to do that, 
do you? ' 

Ralph (turns to class) — Boys and girls, a collection 
will now be taken up for the purpose of purchasing supplies 
for the use of the class in — ahem ! — laboratory work ! 
(Passes a dish and all drop in coins.) Now, Dora, will 
you please run out and ask Guy Gould as he passes to buy 
us some sugar, vinegar, butter, and — what else, girls? 

Girls— That's al-1 ! 

Dora (hesitatingly taking the money) — But I don't 



lik 



Ina (looking left) — Hurrj'^, Dora, there he goes! 
(They push her out L.) 

Ruth — Now we must hunt up a big basin and a spoon, 
and get them scoured up. (Girls begin search.) INIercy ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 33 

what if one of the teachers should come in? Boys, will 
one of you start the oil stove? I'm afraid of the thing, 
but we must have some water heated for dish washing at 
once. 

Boys (oil together) — You bet! {They busy themselves 
at stove. Sam goes for water, and they soon get it on to 
heat, while girls find basin.) 

Dora {re-entering) — He says he will be back in a 
jiffy — whatever that is — and wants to have a share in the 
fun. 

All — Good for Guy ! 

In A — Here's a basin that will do nicely, but I declare 
I can't find a spoon anywhere. Can any of you? 

Girls — No. 

Edna — Not a sign of one. How would a nice little 
pointed stick do? The boys could soon whittle one. 

Girls — Fine ! 

Ted — The next thing is to find the stick! {Boys 
begin to hunt stick.) 

Annabelle — Oh, say, girls, we forgot the soda. 
We'll only need a little pinch, but we just have to have 
that pinch. We've got some salt here. I had it in my 
lunch basket. But what about the soda? 

Girls- — Oh, pshaw ! 

Ruth — Docs anybody dare to run across the street to 
Mrs. ]\Iiller's and "borrow" a tin}^ bit? {No answer.) 
Don't all go together ! 

Annabelle — But if she should squeal — 



34 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ruth (decidedly) — But she won't. Tell her I sent 
you. 

Annabellf. — I'll go ! {Starts L. on run.) 

Ruth {washmg basin, calls) — Get a spoon, too, Anna- 
belle ! ( No answer. ) 

All (call) — Don't forget the spoon! 

Annabelle (m distance, off L.)- — All right. 

Ina — 'Sh! Somebod3f's coming! (All grab books, 
note books and pencils, and take seats at desks. Ruth 
turns out fire. All are apparently deeply absorbed in 
study. ) 

Guy (enters L.) — Here, you folks! Here's your 
junk! (All jump up laughing and toss books, etc., in 
every direction. John runs and starts fire again, the 
girls take packages from Guy, Ruth gets at her basin 
again, and all is confusion.) 

Ruth — Not a sign of a towel anywhere ! What shall 
I use? 

Ralph (pulls handkerchief from pocket) — Here's a 
brand clean handkerchief, Ruth. Will that do? (Re- 
enter Annabelle with soda and spoon.) 

Ruth — Oh, thanks ! I used mine for a dish-rag 1 
(Holds up hers, wet and dripping, and spreads it over 
desk to dry.) Now, Ralph! (Takes his and wipes basin.) 
Now, girls ! 

Annabelle — Here's the sugar — how much? 

Ruth (holding out basin) — Oh, a good cupful — 
better put in two, I guess ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 35 

Boys — Two, of course ! 

Annabelle (looking around helplessly) — But how'll 
I measure it? 

Ina — Oh, 3'ou'll have to guess at it — pour it in — 
pour it in ! Here's the vinegar, Ruth. I'll pour in about 
two tablespoons of it, shall I? 

Ruth — Sure! (Ina pours it in.) Now for water 
(Edna pours vn water) — a little butter — hurry, girls! 

Ted — Butter, butter, who's got the butter? 

Ralph — I have. How much do you want, girls? 

RiTTH — Oh, a good, liberal piece! (He cuts it with 
pocketknife and puts in basin.) Now a pinch of salt 
and another of soda. (Edna puts in one and Ina the 
other, and Ruth piits basin on stove and stirs it.) Thanks, 
girls — now Til make the candy ! 

Ted — Sure, Mike, an' it's the asiest job in the world 
to be carryin' the hod. I only carries the bricks up six 
flights of stairs on me back — that's all. There's a man 
up there as does all the woi*k ! Ruth does it all. {All 
laugh.) 

Guy (has been talking to Dora) — Is this — er — chem- 
istry? 

All — Sure ! 

Guy — Very interesting, isn't it? I thought it might 
be (hesitates) — 

All— What? 

Guy — Domestic science! (All laugh. He turns back 
to Dora and resumes flirtation.) 



36 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Annabei.le — Mercy on us ! What are we to use to 
cool it in? I never thought to ask Mrs. Miller for pans. 

Ina — ^Dear me ! and we'll need them soon, too ! We 
hadn't got far enough along to think about them before. 

Annabelle — I'll go back! {Runs off L.) ^ 

Edna — Annabclle hasn't once thought about her dirty 
apron. If she had, she wouldn't have crossed the street 
with it on for any mone^' we could offer ! 

John — Well, don't speak of it to her, anybody ! 

Guy— Where's "Prof?" 

Ted- — Gone home sick ! 

Guy {significantly) — I see. Well, I must be off! 
{Starts L.) 

Ruth {busy at stove) — Oh, no, Guy! Stay just a 
moment and learn the result of the experiment ! 

Guy {at L. entrance) — Thanks, Ruth! {Looks hack 
at Dora.) Don't care if I do ! {Walks back to Dora.) 
I've always been very much interested in — chemistry ! 
But, say, just as a flea in your ear, you know- — it doesn't 
pay to monkey with the professor too far. Don't you 
know what he said to those boys in Perry who tied the 
donkey to his desk in the morning before class? 

All — No ; tell us ! 

Guy — Why, he walked in, and sized up the situation 
at a glance, you know — 

All — Yes, yes ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 37 

Guy — And then he said, "Well, gentlemen, I see you 
have already provided yourself with an instructor — one 
who is well qualified to teach you all you will ever be 
able to learn !" And with that he walked out, as dignified 
as you please ! And he never taught another class, either, 
until every last boy of them apologized ! 

John — Just like him ! 

Edna — Dear me ! I almost wish we hadn't dared this ! 

Ted — Too late to "reconsider," Edna ! 

Annabelle (re-entering with pans, ivra/pped up in 
her apron, which she has removed) — Here's your old 
pans ! Why didn't somebody remind me that I had that 
nasty old apron on, and not let me fly all over town in 
it and disgrace myself? (Throws pans down with a 
crash. ) 

John (picking them up) — Save the pieces, Annabclle ! 

Ina — You looked all right, Annabclle. Who would 
see 3'^ou, anyway? 

Annabelle — Yes, who would? Didn't I meet every 
boy in town that I ever knew? (Sidks.) 

Ruth — Most ready for the pans, Annabclle ! Butter 
them, won't you? 

Annaeelle (crossly) — Oh, I suppose so — where's the 
grease ? 

Ralph (passing butter to her) — Here! (She butters 
pans. ) 

Edna — Listen, kids ! What about our experiment 
records? "Prof" will expect to examine them, and there 



38 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

won't be a single new line in them. Then he'll question 
us and we'll have to tell him — something — and — and — 
dear me ! I'm getting scared ! 

Annabet.le — He may not smell a mice at all ! 

John — He may be too busy to notice ! 

Ralph — He's never too busy to notice what's going 
on under his nose — don't 3'ou ever think that ! Professor 
Monroe sleeps with one eye open. 

Ina — What shall we do.? 

Edna — What can we do? (All think deeply.) 

Ted {after a pause) — I'll tell you, Edna! 

All {eagerly) — What? 

Ted — Get your blank, Edna, and write down the 
experiment just as it is — the way you always do. Then 
we can all copy from yours. The chances are he won't 
give it much attention just now at the final wind-up of 
everything. 

Edna — But how could I write iti' — "sugar" — "vine- 
gar"— 

Ralph- — -Wh}', of course, they have their formulas. 
Look them up ! That's a bright idea of yours, Ted. 

Ted {feels head, proudly) — Thanks, awfully! 

Edna {dubiously) — All right! I will, of course, if 
you all say so! But I tell 3^ou right here I wish someone 
else had it to do ! Ina — Ruth — Annabelle — Dora. {Looks 
at each in turn.) 

Girls {each answering as her name is called) — Busy! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 39 

Edna (sighs) — I suppose so! {Gets big chemical 
dictionary and puts it on her desk. Opens note book and 
thinks, with pencil at lip.) What's the formula? 

Ruth — Sugar — let's see — two cups make a pound — 
that would be sixteen ounces — 

Sugar 16 oz. 

Vinegar 3 oz. 

Butter 4 oz. 

Water 5 oz. 

Salt 1 gr. 

I guess that's all. 

Anxabelle — Soda ! 

Ruth — Oh, yes, I forgot ! Soda, too, one grain. 

Edna {considting dictionary) — Let's see. Sugar is 
Ci2 H22 On. I wonder what vinegar is? (Searches 
book.) V — V — V — I can't find it here, anywhere. (Runs 
finger down column. ) No, sir, it isn't in the book ! 

Ralph — Why not call it acetic acid? There isn't very 
much difference, 3'^ou know. 

Edna — All right. (Consults book.) Acetic Acid — 
Acetic Acid — here it is — Ch3 Cooh. ( Writes formula in 
note book as she reads and studies on, silently.) 

Ted (walks to stove and stirs mixture) — Isn't it about 
ready, Ruth? 

Ruth — Nearly — not quite ! 

Edna — Goodness ! I can't find an}' formula for butter 
anyivhere here, either ! 

John — Leave the butter out, then ! 



40 THE CBIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Edna — All right! {Proceeds with her work.) 

Annabelle — Oh, mercy, John Judson ! It wouldn't 
be fit to eat ! 

John — I meant out of the record only, Annabelle — 
certainly not out of the — the — the dope ! 

Girls (disgusted) — Dope! 

Edna — Listen, now, everybody — how's this? (Reads.) 

Formula. 

Ci2 1122 On 18 oz. 

Ch3 Cooh 3 oz. 

H2 5 oz. 

Na CI 1 gr. 

Na2 Co3 1 gr. 

Experiment. 

The ingredients were thoroughly mixed together, 
brought to 212° Fahrenheit, and kept at that temperature 
for fifteen minutes. 

Result. 

A sticky substance was formed, which responded to 
neither the test for an acid nor that of an alkali. It was 
of a light brown color, with the odor of an acid, and Avas 
very sweet to the taste. 

All (clapping hands) — Good! good! 

Ralph — Edna, you're all right! 

Edna — But what shall I say under the head of "Ob- 
servations?" You know how particular "Prof" is about 
our recording our own personal discoveries and ideas, and 
so forth, and so on. 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 41 

Ted — Better warit for those remarks till we've had a 
chance to test it ! 

All — Sure ! 

Ruth — Well, I guess your chance has come ! Come 
on quick, evcrybocW, and help me turn it in the pans ! 
(All jump up eagerly and circle around her, Ralph 
grabbing one pan and John another. Ruth raises the 
basin and pours candy in Ralph's pan. He hands it to 
Annabelle, icho sets it on a shelf to cool, while Ruth 
pours the remainder of the candy into John's pan. At 
this moment Professor Monroe enters quietly R. Ina 
grabs the pan from John and puts it beside the other. 
They turn to face the Professor, in great embarrassment. 
He apparently observes nothing.) 

Professor IMonroe — Well, young people, how have 
you been getting along? I felt so much better after a 
rest that, curiously enough, I could not stay at home any 
longer. This being your last experiment, I thought I had 
better come and see if you needed any help. Did you? 

Ri^th — N-o-o-o ! 

Ina {dubiously) — I — guess — not ! 

Professor Monroe — How about you, Sam? 
Sam {confused) — Why- — I seem to — have got along — 
all right. 

Professor, INIonroe {surprised) — Well, now, I'm glad 
to hear that ! Curiously enough, I was afraid you might 
have trouble! {Looks around room.) You all seem to 
have been very busy. {Sniffs.) And I smell something 
peculiar — an aciduos odor, I believe. Curiously enough, 
I can't just define it. Who took the record? 



42 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

AxL (faintly) — Edna! 

Professor Monroe — Well, Miss Ellis, let's see your 
book and find out what you've been doing. It gives me 
great pleasure to learn that you can work so well and 
accomplish so much in my absence. Curiously enough, I 
did not expect it. (Edna hands him her note book and 
he reads it carefidJy. The others exchange glances of 
consternation. Ruth tahcs the opportunity of slipping 
hack to the stove and hiding the basin. Annabelle and 
Ina stand in front of the pan. The boys watch the 
Professor closely.) Um-um — rather a peculiar combina- 
tion. Ch3 Cooh — that's acetic acid, isn't it? But why all 
those salts in conjunction with it.^* I can't understand. 
{Pauses, scratches head in puzzled manner.) An acid 
should have resulted — did you try the litmus on it.'' 
(Looks from one to the other.) 

All ( reluc tantly) — N o ! 

Professor Monroe — But why not.'' I should have 
thought that would have been your first move. How did 
you test it then.? (All look from one to the other at a loss 
for a reply.) Have you any of it left.* (Walks toward 
the desk, picks up paper sack.) What's this.'' 

Ted — Please, sir, it's a paper sack ! 

Professor Monroe — I sec it is. And what's in it? 
(No answer. He opens it and looks in.) Sugar, as I live! 
(Looks questioningly from one to the other, and all hang 
their heads in guilt. After a long, uncomfortable pause, 
he begins to laugh heartily.) I didn't know that I was 
teaching a kindergarten class, but I see — well, children, 
bring out your — er — refreshments ! Don't you think it's 
my treat ? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 48 

All (enthusiastically/) — Hurrah for "Prof!" (Anna- 
belle and Ina turn to the pans of candy, breaking the 
candy into pieces, Axnabelle passing hers to the Pro- 
fessor.) 

Professor Monroe {helping himself liberallij) — It 
smelled like an acid, and, according to the formula, it 
should have been an acid; but, curiously enough, the 
"acid" is sweet. (Ina has been passing candy to the 
crowd, and all are now supplied.) 

Ted — There, Edna! Now you have a satisfactory 
conclusion to write under the head of "'Observations" in 
in our experiment records. 

Edna {eagerly) — What? {Class has gradually ar- 
ranged themselves on each side of the Professor, in semi- 
circle, now thoroughly at ease, and eating candy with 
relish.) 

All {eagerly) — Out with it, Ted! 

Ted {walks to "Prof" and lays his hand affectionately 
on his shoulder) — Why, I mean those last words of our 
beloved guest of honor — "curiously enough" — 

All {laughing) — "The acid was sweet!" {Curtain 
falls, disclosing all laughing and eating candy, the Pro- 
fessor in the center.) 

(Curtain.) 



44. THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 



ACT III. 

Scene. — Interior of the hall. The motto is strung 
across back. The girls are standing on chairs, arranging 
hunting of the class colors in festoons. The hoys are 
carrying in plants, arranging them at back. 



Edna — Goodness, I'm glad this decorating is so nearly 
done ! I never knew before that graduating was such hard 
work ! 

Annabelle — Neither did I ! If I had, you could have 
counted me out ! 

Ralph (arranging plants) — You never did like to 
work, did you, Annabelle? 

Annabelle — Well, not any better than some other 
folks I could mention ! 

Ralph — Not guilty, Annabelle ! I adore work — as 
I do a dose of quinine ! 

Girls (all) — Humph! 

Ralph — For the after-effects — the good it produces ! 

John — Yes, just think, Annabelle, of the chance you'll 
have to show off your beauty ! 

Ruth — And clothes ! 

Annabelle — There are others ! 

Ina (getting dorvn and standing off to note effect) — • 
Don't count me, Annabelle, for I don't expect to get 
through with the decorations here in time enough to 
decorate myself! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 45 

Ralph — Stick to the decoration of a "meek and lowly 
spirit," Ina, and you won't need any other ! 

Ina {bows to him) — Take your own medicine, Ralph! 
You need it worse than I ! And you know, you adore 
quinine? How does that look? {Points to decorations.) 

Ralph — Bully ! 

Edna — Well, as for me, I may have to wear sackcloth 
and ashes, for all I know ! I took a test in chemistry last 
night, but I haven't heard the outcome yet! {Gets down 
to look at decorations.) 

Ted {entering with plant) — The outcome, Edna! 
Why, you'll come out, of course — top of the heap — right 
side up with care ! Say, you girls, where shall I put this 
plant ? 

Edna {going to right side of hack) — Put it here! 
{He starts to obey.) 

Ina {going to left side of back) — Put it here! {He 
pauses, irresolutely. ) 

Edna — Come on, Ted, right over here. {He looks at 
Ina, hesitates, then starts to obey.) Hurry up! 

Ina — Ted! {He stops, looking at her) — Here's the 
place for that plant, right over here. {He starts.) 

Edna — Didn't you understand me, Ted? This is the 
place. {He turns, starts back.) 

Ina— Ted! {He starts.) 

Edna— Ted ! ( He starts. ) 

Ina — Do as I tell you ! ( He starts. ) 



46 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 



Edna — Do as I tell you ! 

Ted (puts doxvn plant in despair) — Who in thunder 
is boss of this business, anyway? 

John — Better reconsider, Ted ! 

{Enter Professor INIonroe.) 

Professor IMonroe — Aha! that looks very well! 

Ted {pointing to plant in center) — There? 

Professor Monroe — Oh, I didn't see the plant. 
What's the matter? 

Ralph — He's halting between two opinions ! 

Edna — I'm not an opinion ! 

Ina — Nor I ! 

Professor jNIonroe — This reminds me of the day we 
decorated our chapel at the university, and, curiously 
enough, the colors are exactly the same as ours. 

Ted- — Were the girls as — as — as — opinionated? 

Edna — Why don't you say stubborn? 

Ina — Why don't you say obstinate? 

Annabelle {getting dozvn) — Why didn't you say 
contrary? 

Ruth {getting dozon) — Why didn't you say mulish? 

Ralph — Why didn't you cantankerous? 

Ted — Well, I meant all of them put together. 

Edna {borving sweetly) — Put the plant just where 
you tliink it looks best, Teddy dear! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 47 

Ina (bowing sweetly) — I wouldn't interfere with your 
plans in the least, Mr. Turner ! 

Ted {shakes head) — Girls are queer animals! 

Ina and Edna (indignantly) — Animals! (Make for 
Ted, who dodges.) 

(Enter Guy.) 

Ralph — Hello, there, Mr. Junior President! How's 
business ? 

Guy — Fine! Say, I want 3'ou folks to give me your 
lists right off for the reception ! The invitations are being 
sent around as fast as we can write the names ! 

Ralph (searches pockets) — Well, I've got mine here 
somewhere ! Here it is ! There's only eight of them ! 

John — Here's mine! (Hands it.) 

Sam — Give me a pencil, someone ! I haven't written 
mine! (Ted, Ralph, Guy, John and the Professor 
each reach him a pencil, the girls starting toxvard him.) 
Thanks ! I can't use but one ! 

Ted — Talk about a brotherly spirit, how nmch more 
do you want for a nickel.^ 

John — And talk about a sisterly spirit, Ted— 

Ted — Don't ! I have sisters of my ovra ! Those girls 
are altogether too sisterly. (Looks at plant, shaking 
head. All of the girls but Dora come up, handing Guy 
their lists. Some take lists from belt, others scribble them 
off hastily, others stop to read them over, etc., anything 
to invest the scene with naturalness.) 



48 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 



Ruth (looking over Annabeli^e's slwulder) — You 
aren't going to invite him, are you? (Pointing to a 
name. ) 

Annabelle — Why, of course! Why not? What's 
it to 3^ou? 

Ruth — Oh, nothing! only — 

Annabelle — Only what, Miss Ruth? 

Ruth — People will talk ! 

Annabelle — Then let them talk! Who cares? 

Ruth — ^Wcll, it's none of my funeral ! 

Guy (calls) — Dora! Dora! (Dora is busy, sitting on 
chair, writing, and does not hear.) Dora, oh, Dora! (No 
answer. ) 

Edna — She's making poetry, Guy ! Don't disturb her 
dreams ! 

Guy — But I must, if we get the cards out this after- 
noon. (Goes to her.) 

Ruth — Too bad to interrupt her flow of inspiration ! 

Axnabelle — Nonsense ! She'll be glad enough to be 
interrupted b}' Guy. Ten to one she was dreaming about 
him, anyway I 

Ina — I thought they had quarreled ! 

Ted — The^r're always quarreling— just like old mar- 
ried folks ! 

Edna — But it's only for the fun of making up ! 

John — So Dora can write more poetry ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 4-9 

Guy (he and Dora walk to crowd) — Have you folks 
positively decided what decorations you prefer on your 
table? 

Dora — I thought it was to be just pansies! 

Annabklle — Oh, we reconsidered that ! It was to be 
the class colors in ribbon streamers the last we voted, I 
think ! 

Guy — If you folks don't beat seven of a kind ! 

Ted — Sure ! There are nine of us, Guy ! Can't you 
count? Ask Sam, he's our mathematician! 

Guy — Well, don't change your minds and reconsider 
the idea of having a reception at all and stay away at 
the last minute! It would be just like you! 

Professor Monroe (rvho lias been walking slowly 
around the room with his hands behind his back, holding 
hat, and looking the decorations over very carefully) — ^I 
want to tell you, people, that going to school is a busi- 
ness — an intense business — and must be conducted along 
business lines ! 

Ted — Then graduating must be going into bank- 
ruptcy ! {All laugh.) 

Guy — I wonder if I have all the lists now ! Let me 
see! {Looks through handful of slips.) Sam, Ralph, 
Edna, Dora, Ruth, Ted, John, Ina and Annabelle ! 

Ted {who has pointed to each one as the name was 
mentioited) — All present and accounted for! 

Annabelle — Oh, Guy, just let me take my list again 
for a minute. {He -finds it and hands it to her.) I've 



50 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

changed my mind about one of these! {Crosses a name 
off paper and returns slip to Guy.) There! 

Ted — She's reconsidered! {All laugh.) 

Guy — Please don't any more of you reconsider before 
I get away with these. {Exits with Professor Monroe, 
talking together.) Oh, about that little toast we want, 
Professor. ( Exeunt. ) 

Ruth — Oh, say, I want to make out the list of eat- 
ables for the picnic now while we're all together. 

All — Of course ! 

Ralph — Well, we bo3^s will be arranging the plants. 
We can't do much of anything else until we get the cut 
flowers. Who went after those flowers, anyway? 

Sam — Whom did you appoint, INIr. President? 

Ralph {consulting note hook) — Why, who was it? 
{Finds place.) Samuel Simpson! 

Sam {scratches head) — Sounds like my name, but I 
declare I had forgot all about it! I'll skidoo ! {Grabs 
hat and runs. ) 

Ralph — Come on, fellows! We'll fix the plants up 
dandy! Girls, you can boss the job! 

Ted {scratching head, ruefully) — Only please don't 
all boss at once ! ( Girls sit near back. Boys move plants 
about, trying different effects. Girls now and then motion 
some change to them, but let it all be in pantomime.) 

Ruth — Ina! 

Ina — Present ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 51 



Ruth {with note book and pencil) — What will you 
bring to the picnic? 

Ina — Biscuit — sandwiches — anything you like ! 

Ruth — We like everything that's good. I'll put you 
down for the bread part. 

Ina — O. K. (Ruth writes,) 

Ruth — Edna ! 

Edna— Pickles ! 

John — Pshaw ! I was hoping our pickle would be 
over by that time ! 

Ruth (zcrites) — You'll be glad enough to get one, 
then! Dora! (Dora is writing dreamily and does not 
hear. ) Dora ! Dora ! Punch her somebody ! ( The one 
nearest to her pu7iches her.) 

Dora {rouses) — Eh? — what — did anybody speak to 
nie ? 

Ted— Oh, no ! Nobody at all ! Just Ruth ! 

Ruth — Now wouldn't that — but what's the use? 

Dora {innocently) — Did you want me, Ruth? 

Ruth — Yes. What will you do for the picnic? 

Dora — Why, I'll — er — I'll write a poem and read it 
if you want me to. 

Ted — Spare us, oh, spare us ! We're not prepared to 
die! 

Dora {surprised) — Wasn't that what you wanted? 

Ralph — Should say not ! 



52 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ruth — The rest of us can't live on poetry, dearie, if 
you can ! 

Dora — Oh, you mean something to eat ! 

Boys — You bet we do! 

Dora — Well, let me see ! I can bring pressed chicken 
- — how will that do? 

Ted — Bully for you, Dora ! You bring pressed 
chicken, and you can just read all the poems to us that 
you want to, can't she, boys? 

Boys — You bet she can ! 

Ruth — Yes, I don't doubt but you'd keep her busy 
reading until you had gobbled all her chicken up. 

Ted— Foiled again! That settles it, boys! We'll 
have to reconsider. 

Ruth — What shall I put down for you, Annabellc? 

AxNABELLE — Cake! It's the only thing in the world 
that I know how to cook. 

Ted (zchistles) — What more do you need to know? 
(Kneels.) Annabelle, will 3'ou marry me? 

Annabelle — Never in the world ! 

Ted {gloomily, rising) — And we are informed that 
there is no marrying in heaven ! Foiled again ! You will 
all be my witness, classmates, that I offered my love to her ! 

Ruth — Or to the cake. {All laugh.) I guess I've got 
all the girls down now but myself. I'm going to bring 
baked beans. 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 53 

Ted — Hurrah for Boston ! Ruth's education is com- 
plete. She has the genuine Boston poHsh, warranted not 
to rub off — pork and beans ! 

Ruth — What will you bring, Ted? 

Ted {bowing low) — My fascinating self — and a 
whopping big appetite ! 

Ruth — That goes without saying — but what else? 

Ted — A girl — if I can find one ! 

Ruth — But what else? We want something to chew! 

Tkd — A rag? (Ruth turns up nose.) Well, put me 
down for fruits — any kind you want. 

Johx — Ted thinks he's a peach, himself ! 
In A — He isn't just the same. He's a greening. 
Ruth {to Ted) — Now will you be good? 
Ralph — I'll provide the ice cream, Ruth. 
Anxabelle — I'll go with you, Ralph ! 
In A — So will I ! 
Edna — And I, too. 
. Ralph — It's manners to wait till you're asked ! 
Ted — Gee, Ralph, but you're the popular kid ! 

Ralph — Yes, I understand — popular as a snowball 
in — in — in the hot climates ! 

John — You pays your money and you takes your 
choice. Well, many a man is tolerated for the sake of his 
possessions ! 



54 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ruth — Well, John, you're last, but you needn't 
necessarily be least. What shall I book you for? 

John — Why — er — toothpicks, I guess! Maybe I can 
furnish the water for the lemonade! Sam has promised 
the lemons and sugar! {All laugh.) Oh, you may laugh! 
But it's not such great fun to be dead broke as you may 
think ! ( Ttirns pockets inside out, looking at them, 
ruefully. ) All gone for flowers and fripperies ! Girls 
are expensive luxuries, especially when they will be "sweet 
girl graduates !" (Sighs.) 

Ruth — ^^Vell, I guess it's all settled. 

Ted — Oh, I say, Ruth, I want to reconsider my offer- 
ing! 

Ruth — Not this time, Ted ! Not even three minutes 
grace allowed on this deal. 

Ralph— This class has reformed, Ted! We don't 
allow ourselves to think twice now, especially after we 
have already spoken once. 

John — In short, we have reconsidered reconsidering, 
and decided not to ! 

Ralph — Exactly ! 

(Enter Sam and Miss Wright, L. Sam has large 
basket of flowers. Miss Wright has large package of 
manuscripts, with rubber band around them.) 

Ruth — Pshaw! There comes Miss Wright! Now 
somebody must rehearse ! We'll never get anything worth 
while done if we have to practice the live-long time! (All 
rise and advance to meet them.) 

Edna — Did you get the flowers, Sam? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 55 

Sam — Flowers? Who said anything about flowers? 

Ina — Oh, Sam, you didn't fail? 

Sam — Fail? What docs that mean? 

Ted — Him fail — a member of the Class of 19 — ! 
Never ! We know not the meaning of the word. 

Edna — Has it been cut out of your dictionary, Sam? 

Sam — Haven't looked, not having any use for the 
word ! 

Ted — Good for Sam ! It may take him six years to 
get his mental temperature up to the graduating point, 
but when he does get there, he stays put ! 

Sam— Oh, cut it, Ted! 

Ralph — Now, everybody get busy, and sort over these 
flowers. It's late, and we've lots to see to, yet ! ( The 
class form a group at right front, girls on chairs, hoys on 
floor in easy attitudes. Miss Wright has been walking 
around, looking at everything.) 

Miss Wright— Well, boys and girls, I am sure you 
are going to look very fine — very fine, indeed — I might 
almost say splendid. Yes, "splendid" is exactly the word. 

All — Thank you, INIiss Wright. 

Miss Wright — Miss Ellis, I really believe we ought 
to go over a part of that class history again, don't you? 

Edna {uncertainly) — Perhaps! 

Miss Wright — Just a little. You do very nicely with 
it, but — you might improve. 



56 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Edna — Oh, Miss Wright, I know I'm simply abom- 
inable in it ! I can't do it decent, nohow ! 

Ted — Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that lady is the very 
same Miss Ellis who broke the high school record in the 
final examination in grammar ! 

Edna— Be still, Ted! 

Ted— She's ashamed of it. (Edna waRs to hack of 
stage and takes position, ichile Miss Wright takes seat, 
opens role of manuscript and prepares to listen.) 

Edna — Where shall I begin. Miss Wright? 

Miss Wright {looking over paper) — Let me see. 
Begin on the second page; you speak of the trouble be- 
tween the Freshmen and Sophomore Classes. "And it came 
to pass" — you know ! 

Edna {recites) — "And it came to pass, as they entered 
the high school" — 

Miss Wright — Not so much importance to the enter- 
ing of the high school. Miss Ellis. That's ail thrown in, 
you know — not at all important ! 

Ted — Great Caesar's dead ghost! It was important 
enough to us ! 

Edna — "And it came to pass, as they entered the 
high school" — 

Miss Wright — Better — go on I 

Edna — "That they were received with malicious 
glee" — 

Miss Wright — "Malicious" — speak distinctly ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 57 

Edna — "Malicious !" 

Miss Wright — Vcr}^ good. Go on ! 

Edna — "Malicious glee by a certain band of wild 
beings, who were called 'Sophomores' " — 

Miss Wright — "Sophomores!" (Emphatically.) Hit 
the "Sophomores" hard, you know ! 

John — We tried to hit them hard all right, all right ! 

Edna — "Who were called 'Sophomores !' " 

Ted — Gee, that ought to hold them for a while ! 

Edna — "And, who, because of their fierce taste for 
Freshman blood" — 

Miss Wright {in graveyard tones) — "Fierce taste for 
Freshman blood" — give it so, Miss Ellis, and roll your eyes 
gruesomely. 

Edna {rolling eyes) — "Fierce taste for Freshman 
blood" {all laugh)— Oh, I can't do it. Miss Wright! I 
just can't! 

Miss Wright — Wliy, that wasn't at all bad. 

Ralph — I thought it was fierce! 

Miss Wright — Go on ! 

Edna — Where was I at? 

Miss Wright — Better begin over. Miss Ellis. Now, 
the rest of you keep still ! You rattle her ! 

John — She's always rattled! (Edna glares at him. 
He dodges. ) I'll be good ! 



58 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Edna — "And it came to pass, as they entered the high 
school, that they were received with mahcious glee by a 
certain band of wild beings, who were called 'Sophomores,' 
and, who, because of their fierce taste for Freshman blood, 
did pounce upon them daily and nightly, and did cause 
them to suffer great things" — 

Miss Wright — Say it sadly — "suffer great things !" 
and shake your head slowly — so ! See ? 

Edna {imitating her) — "Suffer great things!" 

Miss Wright — Good ! Now mind your position and 
speak louder. 

Edna — "Did cause them to suffer great things {louder) 
— suffer great things — and to wail in their hearts, 'Behold, 
blessed be the name of education, for, because of it, have 
we endured great torment, both of the body and of the 
mind. Verily, have we bjeen martyrs to this great and 
noble cause.' " 

Miss Wright — Oh, Miss Ellis, that will never do! 
You are too tame — much too tame ! You must put more 
agony into that passage. Listen! Look! {Rises. ) "Be- 
hold, blessed be the name of education, for, because of it 
have we endured great torments, both of the body and of 
the mind. Verily, have we been martyrs to this great and 
noble cause." {Sits.) 

Edna — Oh, I can never, never, never say it like that! 
Never ! 

Ted {in loud whisper) — She means never. 

Edna — It isn't in me ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 59 

Miss Wkight — Well, 3'ou are all tired out now, I 
know. We'll wait a little, and try it again to-night. 

Edna (immensely relieved) — Oh, thank you. Miss 
Wright. I am tired. (Goes to crowd, who welcome her 
hy clappings of hands.) 

Miss Wright (looks at watch) — Miss Ireland, I have 
just time enough left to hear a few snatches of your 
prophecy. (Looks through manuscript for paper.) 

In A (rises) — Pshaw! (Walks slowly to position.) I 
didn't know I'd have to practice again. 

INIiss Wright — Just a little bit of it. Miss Ireland. 
That about the hospital, first. 

Edna — Ina's the elocutionist of the bunch, all right. 
(Sits.) 

Miss Wright — Begin, "Now, what is this I see — a 
large building" — and be sure and act out every word of it ! 

Ina (recites) — "Now, what is this I see? — a large 
building! Oh, the bustle! the noise! the screams! What 
is it.'' Oh, I see — a hospital! And a lady physician with 
her medicine case and her surgical instruments, mo^c s 
eagerly about her work. What a fierce expression is en 
her face ! What does she say ? 'We certainly must ampu- 
tate—don't delay a minute !' She is going to another 
ward — hark ! hear her say, 'We can't save that arm — cut 
it off— cut it off !' and now see her saw, saw, and ugh 1 
the gruesome deed is done. The poor patient in the cot 
is without his arm, and the blood-thirsty doctor chuckles 
over the deed as she goes on her way to another victim. 
Let me see — what is the name printed in red letters on her 
medicine case.'* — 'Ruth Randolph, M. D.' " (All laugh 
and clap hands.) 



60 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 



Ruth — Wonder how on earth she knew I was going 
to study medicine! 

All — Ruth, are you? 

Ruth — Expect to, if I live! It has always been my 
one ambition. 

INIiss Wright — You spoke that beautifully, Miss Ire- 
land ! I have not one single correction to make. Now, 
give me the last little bit, beginning, "I take another 
look — ^the last !" I am sure you won't need a bit of coach- 
ing on any of the rest. 

In A (recites) — "I take another look — the last! What 
is that — a padded cell in a lunatic asylum.? A poor girl 
has become raving crazy through her years of hard appli- 
cation to advanced study in the high school. How she 
raves ! Listen ! 'Oh, that physics ! that physics ! Will it 
never come straight? And, professor — what did he tell 
us once upon a time? "Go to school" — no — "Go to an 
intense business" — no — Oh, I'll have to reconsider, recon- 
sider, reconsider !' Surely, nothing but complete relaxa- 
tion, and the quituation of such close application to her 
education can save the situation from further complication 
of its present relation, and prove the salvation of this last 
revelation of a high school creation — J^nnabelle Avery !" 
{All laugh and clap hands.) 

Ralph — Not Annabelle! {Amazed, staring at her.) 
Her? 

Annabelle — Not guilty, Ralph! Hard study.'' — 
horrors ! 

Ted — And close application — Caesar ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 61 

Mise Wright — Well, I'm sure you do splendidly, Miss 
Ireland! (Rises.) And you won't need to rehearse again. 
( Walks out with dignity. ) 

Ina (walking back to crowd) — Well, I'm not broken- 
hearted about that ! I do think it's altogether unfair, 
anyway ! You boys never have to practice ! 

Ralph — That's all you know about it. We're prac- 
ticing what we preach — or what we expect to preach — all 
the time. 

Ted — Should think so! You just ought to hear my 
original poem ! 

Dora (rousing) — Original poem? 

Ted — Sure thing. Miss Deane ! Why not ? You 
mustn't get an idea that you are the only toad in this 
puddle just because everybody says you're so bright — 

Annabelle — And so green ! 

Ted — If by any chance you ma}' have conceived such 
an erroneous idea, Miss Deane, I find myself under the 
painful necessity of infomiing you that there are others, 
and you'd better — reconsider ! 

Ruth — Prove your assertion, Ted ! Let us hear your 
production. 

Ted — You mustn't coax me ! The divine fire of Byron, 
Bums, Keats and Shelley burns within me, but I can't 
condescend to cast my pearls before swine! (Girls look at 
one another in horrified indignation.) 

Ina — Oh, you — you — you (hesitates for a fitting ex- 
pression ) . 



62 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Edna — Brute ! We wouldn't listen now if you'd pay 
us for it ! 

Ted — That settles it. Now I shall insist upon being 
heard. My dignity is grievously insulted, and it's up to 
me to make good and show you that I can deliver the 
goods ! ( Walks to position, and, bowing low, recites, the 
others listening attentively. When he frst mentions "Joe,'* 
he look's at Annabelle teasingly, xoho looks very much 
embarrassed. The others look at her, smiling their enjoy- 
ment of the fun, John pointing to her. This is kept 2ip 
till Ted finishes, introducing such bits of fun as suggest 
themselves. ) 

"A maiden left her downy couch one morn not long ago — 

And she put a little powder on her face. 
She made her toilet slowly, fixing every pin just so — 

Then she put a little powder on her face. 
She ambled down to breakfast, and she dropped into a seat, 
She passed her plate to papa, and she got a chunk of meat, 
She finished up on coffee, and a dish of "Cream of 
Wheat"— 

Then she put a little powder on her face. 

"She took a car to go down town, and shop a little bit— 

And she put a little powder on her face. 
At noon she ate a luncheon, paying fifteen cents for it — 

And she put a little powder on her face. 
That afternoon she paid a dime for ice cream at a store. 
And when she'd finished eating it, she longed for just one 

more. 
But thinking of the dime 'twould cost, she started for the 
door — 

While she put a little powder on her face. 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 63 

"She took a car at half-past three, back to her home to go — 

And she put a httle powder on her face. 
She ate her dinner with the folks — then ran to call up 
Joe- 
While she put a little powder on her face. 
Joe came at eight, and stayed until most two o'clock, 'tis 

said, 
When he had left, she went upstairs, declaring she was 

dead, 
She tumbled in her downy couch, and as she lay in bed, — 
She" (pauses, looking at them, and nodding sig- 
nificantly^) — 

All (eagerly) — She — what? 

Ted — Why — she "put a little powder on her face !" 

Sam — Whew ! That was a hot one ! 

Ted — What are you blushing for, Annabelle? I didn't 
say that this girl was a member of the class of 19 — • 
(Turns to others.) Did I.'' 

John — Of course, not ! 

Ruth — "A guilty conscience needs no accusers." (Ted 
starts toward them.) 

Ralph — Hold on, Ted. We're not through with you 
yet. One thing more needs to be well rehearsed. 

Ted (standing still) — What? 

Ralph — This- — When Professor Monroe says to you, 
"I present you with this diploma, my boy, and hope you 
will improve in wisdom, knowledge, common sense and 
virtue," what answer will you make to him? 

Ted — Why — cr — I'll say, "Thanks, the same to you, 
sir!" (All laugh.) 



64 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph — That'll do, Ted. I guess you'll pass, all 
right, all right ! 

Ted (walls to them) — Thanks, Mr. President! I'd 
give you a quarter for that, but — but (turns pockets 
inside out, looking at them and sighing) — "silver and 
gold have I none !" 

Annabelle — Oh, 3'ou don't need any, Ted ! You've 
got plenty of brass. 

John — Yes, he'll be enough for all the "real sternali- 
ties" of life that may knock up against him. He's a 
corker, that boy! (Dora begins to dream, assuming atti- 
tude of great absorption and gazing fixedly at floor, not 
paying any attention to what goes on. She smiles as 
though dreaming happy dreams.) 

Ted — Well, you're it now, John. Come, be a nice 
little man and speak your little piece for the ladies ! 

John — Not this time, Ted ! 

Edna — Oh, please do, John! (He shakes head.) 

Ruth — ^What's 3'our subject? 

John (rising pompously) — Ladies and gentlemen, I 
have hopes that my graduating effusion, "An Essay on 
Man," will surpass even that of Alexander Pope. 

Ina— "An Essay on Man.?" Why didn't you leave 
that for one of us girls, who know something about it — 
Annabelle, for instance — and you write an "essay on 
woman" instead.'* 

John — Not guilty, thanks! That subject's beyond 
me — far too obtuse and complicated for me to begin to 
understand, much less explain satisfactorily. But you 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 65 

just ought to hear me spout on "man." When I begin, 
"Man is a mass of meandering microbes and a magnificent 
bundle of blazing blunders" — 

All {but Dora) — Hear! hear! 

Ted — That certainly is the limit. 

John — Did you notice that alliteration.'' I think it's 
great. 

Sam — But I don't understand — 

All {but Dora) — Sam doesn't understand! {Laugh- 
mg.) 

John {proudly) — Well, it is deep! 

Sam — I didn't say I didn't understand that rigmarole 
of yours, John ! I'm not so slow as I look. 

Ted — No, Sam, you're not so slow but what you could 
catch up with a funeral if they'd stop to water the horses, 
are 3^ou? {All giggle.) 

John — But this is no funeral. 
Sam — It may turn out to be ! 

Ruth — Go on with your speech, John. What comes 
next ? 

John — Oh, that's where you hang up the receiver ! 

Edna — And high time, too I Let's hear your poem, 
Dora. {No ansxcer.) Dora! Dora! {Pause.) Dora! 
{Pause.) 

Ruth — Don't disturb her dreams ! 



66 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Annabelle — Dreams — shucks ! Even a class poet 
ought to know that "the soul is dead that slumbers." 
{Nudges her.) Come, Dora, wake up — do! 

Dora (rousing) — Was anybody speaking to me? 

Ted — Well, rather ! 

Dora (rapturously) — I've just thought of the loveliest 
idea for a poem! It would be just fine to read at the 
reception ! 

All — Horrors ? 

Ted — ^Why did we wake her up? 

Annabelle — It's manners to wait till you're asked. 

Ina — Let it incubate for a little while, anyway, Dora, 
for we haven't time to dream to-day. We must get busy. 

Ted — Yes, and let me remind you, Miss Deane, of Ella 
Wheeler Wilcox's immortal words, wiiich, being a poet, 
you can not fail to properly appreciate 

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; 
Snore, and you sleep alone." (All laugh.) 

So j^ou're going in for the pills and powder medal, are 
you, Ruth? (Ruth nods.) Don't come to Grand Ledge, 
then, to hang out your shingle, for it's so healthy there 
that we had to kill a man to start a cemetery. 

Ralph — But, Ruth, a woman has no right to be a 
doctor. She's out of her sphere altogether when she goes 
in for anything like that. 

Ruth (rises) — Nonsense, Ralph. I tell you, class- 
mates, you have only to look at our own class here for a 
demonstration of the power of woman in the world. Aren't 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 67 

there more girls than boys hi nearly every class that leaves 
our high school? Aren't the girls in this class just as 
high in all their studies as the boys — and sometimes 
higher? Haven't we won just as many debates? Have 
we shown an}'^ indications of being members of the so-called 
"weaker sex?" Is there any lack of bravery in our atti- 
tude toward the big world? 

IxA — Even in the chemistry class ! 

Ted — How about your attitude toward the little mouse, 
girls ? 

All — Hush ! 

Ted — All right. We won't talk about that. Mum's 
the word ! 

Ruth (absorbed; ignores him entirely) — We are now 
all facing, for really the first time in our lives, the realities 
of existence, and I'm right here to tell you, classmates, 
boys and girls, we girls are as capable and as courageous 
as any boy could be. 

Girls — Good for Ruth ! 

Boys — Hail to the coming doctor ! 

Dora — I'm going to write a poem about you, Ruth ! 

Ted— That'll fix her! 

John — If she'll coax me, perhaps I'll give her chloro- 
form while Dora reads it. 

Edna — Shame on you all ! I think Dora writes 
beautiful poetry. 

John — So do we. That's the trouble. It's so beautiful 
we can't stand it. 



68 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ted — You see, it carries us so far away on the wings 
of ecstasy that we're afraid we'll never get back. Wouldn't 
that be tragic? 

Ruth — It might — to you! But do keep still. 

Ted {mischievously) — Still as a mouse! 

Edna — I'm sure it would be no great loss to us — nor 
to the world at large — if you never did come back. 

Ted — Boys, listen to that ! I'm killed — dead, deader, 
deadest ! Wrap me up carefully, please, and lay the 
remains tenderly away ! 

Ralph — As for Dora — well, it may be all right to 
have one member of the class like that, but I, for one, am 
devoutly thankful that all the rest of you are not like- 
minded. 

Edna — Hush ! 

Ralph — Oh, she can't hear ! That's the best thing 
there is about Dora. A fellow can sit right beside her 
and say the very worst things about her that he can think 
of, and she will never even know he's talking. (Girls all 
whisper together.) 

John — Now what have the girls got up their sleeves, 
I wonder? 

Ted — Arms — pretty ones ! 

John — How do you know? 

Ted — Just guessed! 

John — But really, boys, they have something in the 
wind — just look at them ! What do you suppose it can be? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 69 

Ralph — Oh, there's no telling ! I've given up trying 
to understand girls ! 

Sam — 'Tisn't worth while, anyway- I don't believe 
they understand themselves. 

Ted — 'Sh ! Don't let them hear such treasonable senti- 
ments if you have any desire at all to retain your scalp ! 

Sam {feeling head, carefully) — Well, I have. It's a 
prett}^ good one. 

Rai>ph— It's all there yet, Sam. 

Sam (iw great relief) — Thanks! 

John — But be careful what you say. They've all got 
sharp eyes, and, if they tried, could look a hole right 
through you. 

Sam {frightened) — Honest? 

Boys — Sure thing! {Girls have been very interestingly 
talking together, hut now break up, Edna closing what 
she is saying, as she turns away, in a louder tone than she 
intends. ) 

Edna — A jolly surprise on him! 

Ted — Surprise! {Whistles.) I smell a mouse! {Girls 
all scream and jump back, pidling skirts. Ruth leaps 
upon a chair, screaming.) 

Edna — A mouse! a mouse! 



Ruth — Oh, where is it, Ted.'' Where is it.'' 
Dora — Where did it go.'' 
Annabelle — Kill it ! kill it ! 
Ina — O-o-o-h ! 0-o-o-h ! 



o 

CTQ 



70 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

{Boys all laugh teasingly.') 

Ralph — And tliis, gentlemen, is a practical demonstra- 
tion of the boasted bravery of the female portion of the 
class of 19 — , which we have just heai'd so eloquently 
expounded ! 

Ina — You horrid, mean thing! I won't speak to you 
again for— for — for — 

Ralph — Make it three minutes, Ina. That's as long 
as you could possibly keep still ! 

Ruth {descending from chair, still looking around in 
fright) — I'll get even with you yet, Ralph Reed! You 
think you're the whole cheese just because your're presi- 
dent — but you aren't ! 

Annabelle — Should say not ! 

Dora — Not by a good long way ! I'll just write a 
poem about him, too ! 

Edna — What can you expect of a boy, anyway? Edu- 
cate him, or don't educate him, he's nothing but a mere 
boy after all ! 

Ted — There ! I hope the rest of you fellows feel 
properl}' squelched ! My vanity's sunk below zero. 

Ralph — Come, girls, we didn't mean to frighten you, 
honest we didn't ! 

John — I'll bet the poor little mouse was scared to 
death ! 

Ralph — Let's have our class song, now, and go home 
peaceably, won't you? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 71 

Class Soxg. 
Air — "Tramp, Tramp, Tramp." 

1. 

We're the noble and serene Senior Class, Nineteen Thirteen, 
And we stand for all that's big and good and true ; 

We're the honor and the pride 

Of the people far and wide, 
As we wave aloft the crimson and the blue ! 

CHORUS. 

Sing, oh sing, and chant the praises 
Of our class, so brave and true ; 

For we've fought a winning fight, 

And the victory is in sight. 
As we wave aloft the crimson and the blue. 

2. 

Through the years that are to be, 
"There shall be no Alps," say we ; 

There is nothing that we can not be, or do; 
For the crimson's brave and bold, 
And the blue's as true as gold, 
So we're proud to blend our crimson with the blue. — 
Chorus. 

3. 

We have conquered in the past, 
And we'll conquer to the last. 

Ever pressing on to glories, bright and new ! 

Toward success we'll firmly steer, 

Knowing nothing that we fear — 



72 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ted (spoJien) — Except a mouse! 

While we rally round our crimson and our blue ! — 
Chorus. 

{While singing the last chorus, they pair off, and 
begin to waltz, repeating the chorus two or three times, 
and waltzing gracefully to it, ad libitum till curtain falls.) 

(Curtain.) 



ACT IV. 



Scene; — Vestibule or ante-room of hall where com- 
mencement program is to be given. All are dressed for the 
evening, and assume characteristic poses about the room. 
Annabelle is admiring herself in small hand mirror; 
Dora is dreaming, of course; Edna is talking to Ruth 
m whispers, and Ina is pacing back and forth, nervously. 
The boys are grouped together at back, casting sly glances 
of admiration at the girls in their white robes. 



Ina — Dear mc, boys ! I dont' see how you can take 
everything so calmly. I'm worried half to death! 

Boys — Worried ! 

Girls — What about.? 

Ina — Oh — everything — nearly ! 

Annabelle — Afraid your hair will come down, Ina.'^ 
It looks so nice ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 73 

Edna — And 3'our dress is such a perfect fit — the skirt 
hangs beautifully in the back ! 

Ina — Oh, mercy, no ! It's nothing of that sort ! 

GiiiLS — What then? 

Boys — Do tell us ! 

Ina — Please don't laugh at me, boys ! I'm in earnest. 
I really am — afraid — 

Girls ( interrupting ) — Afraid ? 

Boys — No, no ! 

Ralph — Afraid of what, pra}^? 

Ina — Afraid I will forget my essay when I get up 
before that crowd, and just have to stand there like a 
statue and look silly ! 

Ralph — Oh, don't let that worry you a bit, Ina! A 
member of the class of 19 — couldn't look silly if she 
tried ! 

John — I'm sure you won't forget! 

Ina — Thank you, boys — you are very encouraging — 
but — I wish / was sure ! 

Edna — Goodness knows, we're all liable enough to 
forget! I won't draw a free breath till my turn is over 
and I know I am safe. 

Ted — Well, I'm not the least bit worried about that. 
Professor Monroe gave me such a good rule for remember- 
ing things the other day that I don't believe I could forget 
if I wanted to. 

All — Oh, what was \i? 



74 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

GiELs (crowding around him) — Do tell us, Ted! 

In A — Please do, Ted. (Pats him on back.) That's a 
good boy ! 

Ted — It's a fine rule, all right — pretty long, though. 
You'll need to write it down ! 

Ruth — I guess we can learn it if you can ! 

Edna — Do hurry and give it to us, Ted, before we 
have to go in ! 

Ai.L — Quick ! quick ! 

Ted — Well, here it is. Got your note books? (All 
scramble for scraps of paper, pencils, etc., making quite a 
commotion over it.) Ready? Well, then, "The way to 
remember" (all write) — "is" — {all write) — 

All— Well, what? 

Ted (emphatically) — "To remember!" {All look 
disgusted. ) 

Sam {innocently) — But I don't see the point! {All 
laugh.) 

Ruth — Neither do we ! But, sajs girls, is my dress 
all right? {Turns around slowly for inspection.) 

Dora — A regular poem, Ruth ! You look perfectly 
heavenly ! 

Ruth — I feel unearthly ! 

Annabelle — Here, too ! But, oh, girls, I got the 
biggest lot of presents. See my ring? It's a diamond! 
{Shows hand, and they all circle around to see it.) 

Edna — What a beauty ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 75 

Dora — How perfectly lovely ! 

Ina — Charming ! 

Ruth — Adorable ! 

Ted {sentimentally) — May I hold your hand a minute, 
Annabelle dearest? {Lifts hand and looks at it closely.) 
Just too perfectly lovely for anything, but — I'd hke to 
see the inscription inside! (Annabelle snatches her hand 
away and looks down, emharrassed.) 

Ralph — Who gave it to you, Annabelle? 

Annabelle {bashfidly) — A — a — friend ! 

Dora {pacing floor) — 

"Nine souls arc now leaving the harbor, 

No longer at anchor to be ; 
Completed are all preparations, 

And boldly we strike out to sea ! 
Four years have we been making ready 

Upon this life voyage to start, 
But now every nail has been driven. 

And the hour is at hand to depart." 

John — Oh, Dora, please don't ! It's a beautiful poem, 
but it isn't fair to harrow up our feelings so, just now. 

Ralph — If you girls would only stop pacing the floor 
like a den of caged lions, and calm yourselves, you 
wouldn't be half so nervous yourselves and wouldn't give 
us fellows the jimjams! 

Dora {half crying, wringing hands) — But I mustn't 
forget — I mustn't — I mustn't ! 



76 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Edna — Well, I hope I won't, but I've been trying to 
say my history over to myself ever since we got here and 
there's been such a hubbub, I couldn't hear myself think* 

Ted — ^Lct's give our yell and see if it won't clear the 
atmosphere a little and have a soothing effect. 

GiBLs (yell) — Hurrah! hurrah! who are we? 

Boys — We are Seniors, don't you see? 

Girls — Where from? 

All (together) — 

Blankville High School, rah ! rah ! rah ! 
Blankville High School, yah ! yah ! yah I 

Push! Boost! Dig! Delve! 

Blankville High School, Nineteen Twelve. 

Ted — There! Now, don't you all feel better? 

Ina (moaning) — Oh, dear! oh, dear! (Girls gather 
around her, frightened; all fanning her.) 

Ruth — Oh, Ina! Whatever is the matter? 

Ina (sobbing) — I'm s-s-sick ! 

Edna — Sick? Goodness gracious! Whatever can we 
do for her? 

Ralph — Where do you feel bad, Ina? 

Ina — My head aches and feels so heavy ! 

Ralph — That's perfectly natural, Ina. It's a little 
swelled just now, of course. Think how you've been 
cramming it the last year. 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 77 

Ina — But I'm dizz}', too. ! 

John — That's natural, too ! We always get dizzy 
when we climb very high, and just see how high up on the 
ladder of knowledge you have climbed. Why, you're 
graduating to-night — think of it ! 

Ina (hand on heart) — My heart feels — like a great — ■ 
big — lump of — ice ! 

Ruth — That's the "thought of coming parting" that 
Dora tells us about in her immortal poem. 

Ina — And I feel so weak — and so faint! 

Edna — So do we all ! 

Ted — Yes, Ina, that all comes from excessive "in- 
fomiation in the brain," which some call "graduitus." 
You aren't alone in your affliction. We've all got it, and 
got it bad — but we hope to recover! Just look on the 
bright side ! 

Ina (still sobbing) — There isn't any! 

Ted (stepping in front of her) — Look at me! I used 
to be called the brightest boy in the class. 

Ralph — I'd like to know when ! 

Ted — When the others were absent, of course, Mr. 
President ! Maybe it wasn't j ust that, anyway, but some- 
thing like it ! 

Ruth — Think of all your presents, Ina, and your 
flowers — 

Annabelle — And how nice you look — for you do look 
swell — honest you do — 



78 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ina (brightening up) — Do I, really? 

Edna — Of course ! And think of the diploma that's 
coming ! 

Annabelle — And the reception to-morrow night! 

Dora — And the picnic Saturday ! 

Ted— And all the good things to cat! {Smacks lips.) 
Golly ! And then say there ain't no bright side ! 

John — Harness your grammar there, Ted ! 

Ralph — But, Ina, aren't the crimson and the blue 
bright enough for you? 

Sam (mournfully) — Must we reconsider our colors 
again at this late day? 

Dora (frightened at once) — Oh, no, we simply 
mustn't! I couldn't possibly get up another class song 
now! 

Ralph — Don't worry, Dora. You won't have to. 
That class song of ours is the best thing you ever 
wrote. 

John — It shall be immortal. 

Ted — Yes, it shall go thundering down the ages as 
the one and only class song of the illustrious class of 19 — ■ 
— the greatest and most wonderful class that ever grad- 
uated from our high school! 

(Enter Professor Monroe and Miss Wright.) 

Professor Monroe — Good evening, good evening! 

All ready to fight the last battle, are you? How do you 
feel? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 



Ted— Bully ! 

Pkofessor Monroe — Good, curiously enough, I am 
feeling in excellent spirits myself to-night. 

Miss Wright — Now, girls, don't any of you get 
nervous. 

Girls (trembling) — We w-w-wont! {Boys giggle and 
nudge each other.) 

Miss Wright — And be sure to stand up straight — 
chins well in — shoulders back — 

Girls {straightening up) — Yes, ma'm ! 

Miss Wright — Speak clearly and loudly — not too fast 
— pronounce every word distinctly and correctly. 

Girls {meekhj) — Yes — yes! 

Miss Wright — Move gracefully — not too fast — in 
fact, be perfectly at ease. 

Girls— We will ! 

Miss Wright — Don't think of the audience — they are 
nothing to you ! Don't think of yourself — ^you are nothing 
to the audience ! 

Dora — What can we think of ! 

Miss Wright— Keep your mind on what you have to 
say, and on nothing else — mind now, on nothing else ! If 
necessary, look at me ! 

Ted {aside) — Horrors! 

Professor Monroe — Here comes Guy. He's bring- 
ing his camera to take your pictures before you go into the 
auditorium. 



80 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Girls — Oh, my! {Begin to -fix hair, look dresses over, 
arrange flowers, ribbons, etc. Enter Guy with camera.) 

Guy — Hello, you seniors, how's your spunk? 

Boys — Great ! 

Guy (looks at watch) — I've got just five minutes to 
take tlus picture in, so let's not waste any time. 

(Professor Monroe and Miss Wright help him 
arrange chairs at back of stage, and seat class in them. 
Take' some time at this, making a number of changes of 
position, etc., making it as realistic a bit of pantomime as 
possible. ) 

Guy — There, that seems a good arrangement ! ( Looks 
through camera.) Turn your head to the left a little, 
Ralph — a little further — that's right! Now, look this 
way — chin up a trifle — that's right! Ruth, look right 
straight ahead — sit up straighter — ^liide 3'our hands — 
that's better ! Edna, don't wiggle so — ^^ou'll spoil every- 
thing ! Put down your fan, Ina — you hide your face, and 
Dora's, too ! Now, everybody look right here at my finger, 
see ? That's right ! Ted, shut your mouth ! Now look 
natural — you all look like an international funeral ! Come, 
we want "the smile that won't come off!" You'll all be 
alumni to-morrow, and you don't want the rest of the 
bunch to be ashamed of you, do you ? 

Sam — Is the "alum-ni" a new kind of breakfast food? 

Guy — Exactly, Sam ! Already now — look right this 
way I Now, one, two, three — look pleasant, please ! There ! 

(Quick Curtain.) 
{Class give yell behind curtain.) 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 81 

Epilog. 

Scene. — A street, ten years later. Curtain rises, dis- 
closing Ted reading a copy of the local paper. He reads 
silently, giving vent to whistles of amazement, now and 
then, and expressing much delighted surprise. 

Ted — Well, well, who'd have thought it was in him? 
We knew he'd be great, of course — that was inevitable — 
but so great a height as this, not even his most enthusi- 
astically admiring classmates expected him to climb! 
"There shall be no Alps ["—"There shall be no Alps!" 
Well, tliere certainly haven't been any Alps in his way, 
and I don't know as I have any reason to complain, myself. 
I'm a pretty fair lawyer, I guess, as lawyers go. But let 
me see! (Pulls out note book; reads items rapidly.^ Five 
minutes for the hotel, ten minutes for the bank, three 
minutes for the postoffice, seven minutes for the meat 
market — and I was to be home by six o'clock ! ( Pidls out 
watch.) Great Scott! It's already five, forty-five! I 
must get a double-geared move on myself! (Starts R.) 



Sam (enters L.) — Hello, Turner! In a hurry, as 
usual ? 

Ted (nervously) — Yes, I must really be getting home! 
I declare, I really don't know where the time has slipped 
to. I became so interested in to-day's Journal (introduce 
local paper) that I didn't notice how late it was getting, 
and now I have only (grabs watch again) twelve minutes 
to get home. But have you seen the paper.'' 

Sam — No, I've just got in from Chicago. We drug- 
gists had a convention there this week — an international 
affair, you know — most instructive program — jolly crowd! 
What's in the Journal? Anything new.? 



82 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ted {nervously, again loohing at rcatch) — Should say 
so — but — er — I haven't time to tell you, but you just read 
that leader on the first page — first column — big black 
headlines, "Reed's Marvelous Record and Unparalleled 
Success," and see if it doesn't increase your pride in our 
old class of 19 — . Just read it, Simpson! I must be off! 
(Looks at watch.) Only five minutes left! (Exit R.) 

Sam (opens paper Ted Jias handed him) — Let me see! 
"Reed's Marvelous Record and Unparalleled Success" — 
Oh, yes, here it is ! "Special from Washington, D. C." 
Well, I declare! (Reads.) "The constituents of Senator 
Ralph E. Reed may well point with pride to his unprece- 
dented congressional record ! His latest triumph is the 
talk of political circles everywhere, and has brought him 
into even greater prominence than his glorious past has 
done." Well, now, that sounds interesting! What's old 
Ralph been doing now to distinguish himself so wonder- 
fxdly, I wonder! (Reads.) "His bill, recently intro- 
duced, for the immediate suppression of illegality, crim- 
inality, prodigality, illibcrality and inequalit}^, has passed 
both houses without the slightest opposition, and received 
the indorsement of the President. His recent speech upon 
this bill was pronounced by all present the most masterly 
effort that has been delivered before either house of congress 
since the days of Webster. It has added to the lustre of 
his name more of that same brilliance that has char- 
acterized his career from his first election. Indeed, there 
is strong talk already of his being the next popular candi- 
date for the presidential chair." Whew! (Whistles.) 
That's what I call going some! Wliy didn't I go in for 
politics, I wonder, instead of dispensing drugs and decoc- 
tions for the mere gain of filthy lucre? Oh, well, drug- 
gists are respectable, anywa}', and all politicians aren't, 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 83 

they say! (Reads.) "Mr, Reed leaves the capital to-day 
for his home city, where he is justly the idol of the people, 
and where he will be the most prominent visitor at a reunion 
of the high school alumni of that place. We understand 
that he graduated as the president of his class in 19 — , 
from which honor he has climbed rapidly to his present 
honorable position. We predict great things for this 
young intellectual giant," Well, it's only what we might 
have expected of Ralph. He alw^ays went in for big 
things. {Enter Annabelle, L.) Why, if it isn't Anna- 
belle Avery ! 

Annabelle — Mrs. John Jacob Josephus Johnson, 
A. B., Ph. B., A, M, and LL.D., if you please, Mr. Simp- 
son! 

Sam — I offer m}"- most humble apologies, Anna — er — I 
mean Mrs, John Jacob — and so forth — Johnson. I regret 
exceedingly that for the moment tlie recollection of the 
alteration in your legal cognomen escaped the confines of 
my cranium, else I would never have so unpardonably com- 
mitted so flagrant a breach of etiquette as to address you 
in so unbecoming and irreverent a manner, 

Annabelle — Your apologies are accepted, Mr, Simp- 
son, Why, here come Guy Gould and Dora. How happy 
they seem! {Enter Guy and Dora, L.) 

Guy — Here's Annabelle now, Dora ! Dora was going 
to meet you at the train, Mrs. Johnson. I think she had 
a poem of welcome, or some such junk to give you, or read 
you, or something or other — but she was so busy writing 
her poem for the alumnal banquet that she forgot all 
about it till she heard the train whistle. 



84> THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Dora (sigJis) — Yes, I've had so little chance to write 
since we were married that the rhymes don't seem to come 
as easy as they used to. 

Annabelle — I remember what a fairy, flowery future 
you used to dream of. What has become of it, Dora? 

Dora — Oh, that "fair^^ flowery future," 
Flutters phantom-like, ahead 
Of the fairly "floury" A'ision 
Of a housewife, making bread ! 
But it's good to see you, Annabelle ! 

Annabelle — Thanks! What a jolly time we'll all 
have at the banquet, talking over old school days and com- 
paring notes. Here come some ladies — any of our old 
crowd? (Laughter off L.) I believe I hear Ruth Ran- 
dolph ! 

Sam — Pardon me, Mrs. John Jacob — ahem — Johnson, 
but if I may presume to criticize your conversation, and 
most humbly off'er a slight but very necessary suggestion, 
I should advise the absolute necessity of addressing that 
estimable lady as Dr. Randolph ! She's the leading medical 
practitioner in the county now ! 

Annabele — So I've heard. (Enter Ruth, rvith medi- 
cine case, followed by Edna and John.) Oh, girls and 
boys, how deliglitf ul to meet you all here again ! 

Ruth, Edna and John — Annabelle Avery ! 

Sam — ^Ladies and gentlemen, you err most grievously. 
Allow me the pleasure of presenting to you Mrs. John 
Jacob — er — er — er — 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 85 

Annabelle (prompting him) — Joseplius ! 

Sam — Josephus Johnson, A. B. — cr — cr — er — What 
were the remainder of those alphabetical tails, Mrs. John- 
son? I regret exceedingly my inability to properly 
enumerate them ! 

Annabelle — A. B., Ph. B., A. M. and LL.D., if you 

please, sir, Mr. Simpson. But, girls, what are you all 
doing ? 

Ruth — Mixing pills and grinding powder — speaking 
for myself, Annabelle, and I must away at once, too, for 
I have an appendicitis case that demands my immediate 
attention. (Sighs.) I fear I must operate. 

Sam — If you'll excuse me, ladies — 

Edna — Oh, certainly, Sam, with the greatest of 
pleasure ! 

Sam — You grieve me, ladies. I assure you I — 

Ruth (interrupting) — Oh, don't trouble yourself, Sam 
— you needn't compromise your dignity by tearing your- 
self away in that absurd style. I'll not interfere with 
your pleasure. My patients need my undivided attention. 

Sam (with great dignity) — And my patience is about 
exhausted ! 

Ruth — Goodbye, all ! See you later. (Exit L.) 

Edna — For goodness' sake, Sam, why is it that you 
are always in such a hurry to leave when you see Dr. Ran- 
dolph? What has she ever done to you? 

Sam (tragically) — She broke her faith with me, and 
I'll never forgive her — never ! 



86 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

John — Broke faith with you? ^^Tiy, what do you 
mean, old boy? 

Annabelle — I never knew that there was a romance 
there, did you, girls? 

Dora (sentimentally) — There's poetry in every life! 

Guy (sighs) — Especially in ours! But what was it, 
Sam ? Confide in us ! 

Sam — Oh, it was years and years ago that she vowed 
to me upon her word and honor that she would — 

All (together, eagerly) — Would — what? 

Annabelle— A breach of promise case, I'll warrant 
you! (Aside to girls.) 

Edna — Whoever mistrusted ? 

Dora — Poor Sam, I must write a poem about him ! 

John — Come, Sam, out with it ! She vowed that she 
would — what ? 

Guy — We are all ears, Sam ! 

Annabelle (prompting him) — That she would — ? 

Sam — Buy all her drugs of me — that's what! (All 
turn away in disgust.) And she grossly failed me, and 
gives almost all her undivided patronage to the Corner 
Drug Store! I'll never forgive her — never! (Exit R., 
angrily. ) 

' Dora — Who'd have dreamed that such everlasting 
enmity should ever arise between two such prominent 
members of dear old 19 — ? I just must write a poem 
about it ! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 87 

Annabelle — I've just been reading of Ralph's suc- 
cess. Isn't it glorious? 

Guy — Indeed, it is. Your class may well be proud of 
its president. When do you think he'll get here? 

John — To-night, probably. Just as soon as he can, 
you may be sure ! 

Dora — You look tired, John. 

John — I am — a little. 

Annabelle — But it's worth being tired to be such a 
prominent educator as you are. Professor Judson ! I can 
hardly realize that you are now superintendent of our 
own dear old high school ! 

John — You xoould realize it, if you stood in my shoes, 
I assure you. {Sighs.) 

Guy — Just tell all your students that "going to school 
is a business — an intense business — and must be conducted 
along business lines !" 

Annabelle — My, how many times I've heard Pro- 
fessor Monroe say that! And "curiously enough," as he 
used to say, we were always inspired by it! 

Dora — Yes, I hear him yet in all my dreams ! 

Guy — Oh, that's what makes you holler out in your 
sleep so much, is it? The neighbors have all threatened 
to move. 

John — You live in Detroit, don't you, Annabelle? 

Annabelle — Yes, but I just had to come home to the 
alumnal banquet. 



88 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Dora — And your husband? 

Annabelle — Why, Dora, don't you know? (Weeps 
in handkerchief. ) I am a widow ! 

Dora — A widow? I congratulate you! 

Annabelle {looking up indignantly) — What's that? 

Dora — Oh, what have I said? I mean, I sympathize 
with you ! 

Annabelle — What are you doing, Edna? 

Edna — Taking it easy ! I'm Ted's stenographer, you 
know — or supposed to be. But his wife is so jealous of 
him that he doesn't call for my assistance if he can pos- 
sibly avoid it. Why, she got dreadfully mad one day 
because he remarked that he was goirig to buy a new 
ribbon for his typewriter. {All laugh.) Well, it's only too 
true! She runs all his business, gives him just so much 
time to attend to every single duty, and if he isn't right 
back on the minute, woe be unto him ! It's too bad ! Ted's 
such a talented lawyer, too ! 

John — He's what I call a very much married man ! 
A bachelor's life for mine ! 

Annabelle — Wonder if Ina'll get here for the ban- 
quet ? 

Edna — You bet she will ! Her manager gives her two 
weeks off! 

Dora — What a big hit she has made on the stage ! 
They say she's equal to Charlotte Cushman in Shake- 
spearean portrayals ! I'm going to write a poem about 
her! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 89 

Guy — Let me coax you not to ! 

{Enter Ralph and Ina, /?., xcearing traveling attire, 
carrying suit-cases.) 

All — There they are! There they are! {General 
greetings.) 

Ralph — Yes, here they are — what's left of them ! Ina 
closed her engagement in Washington last night, so we 
came home together. How's everybody? You all look as 
natural as old shoes. 

All— So do you ! 

Ted {enters hastily, L., looking at watch) — I've only 
ten minutes, Ralph, but I must congratulate you on your 
success. 

Ralph {shaking hands) — Thank you, Ted! — and I 
you I I've kept in touch with the famous cases you've 
fought so successfully. 

Ruth {re-enters) — I have an operation to perform at 
seven o'clock — if I don't want one of my patients to get 
well on my hands — but I must say "hello" to Ralph and 
Ina! {Shakes hands with each.) Doesn't it make you 
think of the days of your youth to be back here? 

Ina — Indeed, it dees ! There's no place like the old 
home after all! 

Dora — I'll have to write a poem about that! 

Guy- — Oh, please don't ! 

Ruth — I'm going across the street to send a telegram. 
Be back in two jerks of Annabelle's tongue! {Exit R.) 

Ina — The same dear old Ruth, isn't she? 



90 TEE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph — Yes, that beastly physician's rig doesn't 
change the Ruth of her a particle. She's going to be the 
leading physician of the whole state yet ! 

Ted {enthusiastically) — You bet, she will. There isn't 
a woman in the United States that can hold a candle to 
her! {Suddenly recollects himself and looks aroiund fear- 
fully.) Er — er — that is to say — I mean — I don't believe 
there is — in her line, of course, I mean — in her line ! I 
declare I must be going. Only two minutes to get home 
in — can I make it.'' {Starts off R. on run, runs into Ruth, 
who is returning, and falls. ) For heaven's sake, Dr. Ran- 
dolph, what have I ever done to you? Why, I haven't a 
breath left in my body — not one! 

Ruth — Never mind, Ted ! I'll fix you a tonic that will 
put new life into you in no time. {Opens medicine case, 
-pours medicine from flask into small glass.) Here, drink 
this! {He does so, making wry face.) Feel better.'* 

Ted — Y-e-e-s — I guess so ! 

Ruth {closing case) — Thought you would! 

Ted — What's the charge? 

Ruth — One dollar, please ! 

Ted {pulls out purse, reluct antly)^We[\ {fingers 
dollar tenderly) — ^there you are! {Looks longingly after 
it, as she pockets it.) Golly, it's late ! {Looks at watch.) 
I'm three minutes late! Mercy on me! {Exit R.) 

Ruth — 'A lawyer and his money are not easily parted. 

Sam {re-entering R.) — Well, Ralph, old boy, how are 
you? Not too far up the ladder to call down a word or 
two to common, everyday mortals, are you? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 91 

Ralph — I certainly hope not, Sam ! ( They shake 
hands. ) 

Sam (to Ruth) — And, doctor, I hear you've saved 
that Whitney boy from dying of hydrophobia! I must 
congratulate you! (Shakes hands with her. Evert/bod?/ 
looks surprised.) And, Ina, the world is surely using you 
well ! You look younger than you did the night we grad- 
uated — don't have any more of that stage fright now-a- 
days, do you? 

Ina (bores lozv) — No, thank you, Sam. I've learned a 
thing or two since then 1 

Annabelle — Come to me, Mr. Simpson! (He goes 
to her, while the others converse together, apart.) What 
does such an exhibition of friendliness toward Dr. Ran- 
dolph mean, coming right on the heels of the undying 
enmity you just expressed.-^ I am astounded by your 
inconsistency ! 

Sam — Inconsistency? Not in the least, madam, not 
in the least! About fifteen minutes ago. Dr. Ruth Ran- 
dolph actually sent to my pharmacy, by a messenger, and 
purchased of me — paying for it in cold cash, mind you — 
exactly five cents worth of calomel. In view of this change 
in her usual attitude toward my establishment, I feel 
justified in entertaining the hope that our business relations 
in future may be on a more f ratenial basis ; and such being 
the case, I renounce the former prejudices with which 
I so justly and wisely considered her practice of her pro- 
fession in our city, and shall hereafter, if favored with 
such a fair share of her patronage as she has so gen- 
erously displayed on this occasion, be pleased to consider 
all differences of opinion as at an end between us ! 



92 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Annabelle — Satisfactorily explained, I am sure, sir! 

Sam — And you appreciate my position? 

Annabelle — Most assuredly ! 

Ralph {who has been listening covertly) — Well, Sam 
also seems to have learned a thing or two since we left 
school. He's certainly acquired tlie gift of gab, which he 
didn't have then ! I remember he couldn't talk for cold 

mush ! 

John — He doesn't talk for cold mush, now — he talks 
for money. 

Edna — He used to be an insurance agent ! 

Ralph — That accounts for it ! 

Annabelle — And here we all stand like a crowd of 
school children ! 

Sam — Do you object to our particular manner of 
retaining a perpendicular position, Anna — er — Mrs. John 
Jacob — ahem — Johnson.'* The nature of the standing 
position does not give scope for much variety ! 

Edna — They may arrest us for blockading the streets 
next, and then we will all object! 

Ralph — Would they? 

Guy — Could they? 

Ina — Should they? Has the city no respect for the 
crimson and the blue? 

Ruth — Not a whit ! 

Dora — I must write a poem about that! 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 93 

Ina — You still have the old dreams, then, Dora? 
Guy — Does she ? Horrors ! 
Do R A — Yes — 

"Sometimes the old dreams come o'er me, 

And the old visions surge through my brain, 
And I grasp at my pencil to catch them 
Before they have vanished again !" 

Guy {dryly) — Yes, that's true! (Sighs.) She does! 
Ralph — And the result, Dora? 
Dora (sighs) — 

"I find that, committed to paper, 

The thoughts are not what I suppose. 
And that I am by far more successful 
In composing — " 

All, (eagerly) — What? 

Dora — "The children some clothes !" 

Annabelle — So the poor old "bib pin" did come in 
handy after all ! 

Dora— It surely did ! 

Ted (runs in R.) — I forgot something my wife sent 
me for I I must have dropped it here — can't some one help 
me find it? (Is out of breath; very nervous.) 

Annabelle (looking, while all begin to search) — 
What was it, Ted? 

Ted — Oh, dear me ! dear me ! That's more than I 
know ! Can't you tell ? 



94 THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 

Ralph — Bless you, man, how could we? Soap, starch, 
bluing, tea, coffee, prunes — ? 

Ted — No — no — something to wear, I think ! 

Ralph— You've got me! I know notliing whatever 
about feminine wearing apparel ! 

Ruth (still looking) — Say, Ted, could they arrest us 
for blockading the street, if we stand here too long, all 
together ? 

Ted — Do you ask — professionally? 

Ruth — Why, yes, of course ! 

Ted — Well, then — no, I don't believe they could — as 
the city laws now stand ! 

Ruth — Thanks! (Greatly relieved.) 

Ted — One dollar, please ! 

Ruth (astonished) — For what? 

Ted — Legal advice, to be sure ! 

Ruth (opening purse, slowly, and giving him a dollar 
reluctantly) — I might have known he'd get that dollar 
back ! Trust a lawyer for that ! 

Ralph (down on all fours, searching floor) — But, 
Ted, do try and remember what we are looking for ! 

Ted (thinks a minute) — Oh, I do remember, now! It 
was ribbon^amount, one yard ; color, navy blue ; width, 
three inches ; texture, satin, with silk facing ; price, seventy- 
five cents ; merchant, Garland. 

Sam — Catalogued with attorney-like precision and sys- 
tematic form, I assure you, Ted ! ( Picks up small pack- 
age and hands it to him. ) Is this it ? 



THE CRIMSON AND THE BLUE. 95 



Ted {^greatly relieved)- — Oh, thank you, Sani, tliank, 
jou! 

Sam — Can it really be ten years since we were all at 
school together ? 

Ted (sighs) — Yes, Sam, ten years of penance — yet we 
all escape to tell it ! 

Annabelle {aside to Edna) — Has the poor kid really 
been married the whole ten years? (Edna nods.) 

Ted (looks at watch, whistles in surprise) — Whew! 
Fifteen minutes late, already ! What's left of me when 1 
do get home, won't be worth writing a funeral notice for 1 
Well, I might as well die for an old cow as for a calf, 
I suppose, so before I go, I propose that we just make 
this old street echo once more with the long-silent, but 
once so familiar and always unforgotten ring of our class 
yell. 

Ali^— Good for Ted ! 

Girls (yell) — Hurrah! hurrah! who are we? 

Boys (yell) — We arc alumni, dont' you see? 

Gmi^ — Where from? 

All — Blankville Pligh School, rah! rah! rah! 

Blankville High School, yah ! yah ! yah ! 

Push! Boost! Dig! Be seen! 
Blankville High School, 1913! 

(Wave hats and handkerchiefs as curtain falls.) 
(Curtain.) 



SEP 5 1912 



NOTE. 

(The author of this play wishes us to state that she 
stands ready at all times and seasons to write to individual 
order, essays, orations, lectures, club papers, speeches, 
toasts, poems, songs, sermons, sketches, reviews and enter- 
tainments of all kinds. As the advertisement of her little 
institution puts it, "We write anything, on any subject, 
for any occasion^ Commencement and reference work a 
specialty. Her address is Goldfinch and Douglas Streets, 
San Diego, Cal., and a stamp will bring a complete 
catalogue by return of post.) 

(96) 



I TRRARY OF CONGRESS 

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